


here, now, despite it all

by Arithra



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Force Visions (Star Wars), Hurt Some Comfort, Jedi vs Sith (Star Wars), Jedi!Felix, Lightsaber Battles (Star Wars), M/M, Pre-Relationship, That's Not How The Force Works (Star Wars), The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), War, darksider!Dimitri, there is a plot but Felix has other priorities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29464983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arithra/pseuds/Arithra
Summary: Dimitri was dead.One with the Force. At peace. No longer tormented by the dark side and the ghosts that seemed to cling to him. No longer walking that thin line, that Felix had not been able to pull him away from.Safe.Felix should be glad.Death, yet the Force.But Felix wasn’t glad, and, as it turned out, Dimitri wasn’t dead either.--Or: The Dimilix Star Wars AU where Felix, instead of fighting a war, hunts Dimitri all over the Galaxy.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23
Collections: The Three Houses AU Bang





	here, now, despite it all

**Author's Note:**

> There will be art for this fic created by the talented [@starrymatcha](https://twitter.com/starrymatcha) be sure to check it out!

When he had gotten the assignment, Felix had braced himself for the worst, but what he found was not what he had expected. The old Jedi Temple was a menace to reclaim. It was situated atop of a mountain, and the magnetic fields of the planet did not allow for flying vehicles, which meant that they had to approach on foot. 

Only his diligent preparation and the excellent skills of Ashe’s sniper unit had allowed them to make the approach at all, though the temple had been a lot less defended than he had thought. While the temple had been occupied by soldiers and droids flying the red banner of Adrestia - one of the most prominent supporters of the Sith - there had been no Sith around. 

Either they had never been here at all, or something had caused them to leave.

As his troops swarmed through the temple and made sure that all the rooms were secure, Felix took the time to look around and search for clues.

The reports had been certain that at least two Darksiders were on sight, and given the fact that the temples showed signs of recent combat, and more specifically lightsaber combat, Felix did not think that the information had been wrong.

Pursing his lips, he reached up to trace one of the scorched grooves in the temple wall. It had been made by a kyber powered weapon for sure. No other weapon left such traces. Given the height of the marks, the wielder of the weapon was either a non-standard human or used a non-standard kyber-powered weapon. Given the fact that most of the Darksiders they had reports on were at least close to standard human build, the latter seemed more likely.

Then again, Felix mused as he turned away from the marks to study the rest of the battlefield and the clear claw gurges left on some of the door frames and pillars, the Sith had proven that they were adaptable before. 

Letting his gaze wander over the dead Adrestian soldiers, Felix frowned at the state of them. Their armors showed clear signs of wear and tear, and some of them had injuries that had recently been treated. Say what you will - and in the privacy of his mind Felix had said a lot, none of it pleasant - but the Sith of their time were not in the habit of sending injured soldiers to the front lines. Nor did they leave strategic locations all but undefended.

And yet that’s what Garreg Mach had been. As soon as they had managed to deal with the guards on the walls it had been laughingly easy to take the temple. The soldiers had been understaffed and clearly exhausted. For the life of him, Felix could not imagine that anyone would think defending the temples with injured soldiers was a wise choice. 

The facts told him that these men and women had seen battle recently, not too long before Felix and his troops had arrived. There had been no reports of the Republic troops, or any of their allies attempting to retake the temple, or even engage in a battle close to hear. 

There had been no reports of battle in this area, period. 

Which meant either non-sentient attackers or a third party.

Felix did not like either option.

Just as he turned to make his way back to the command post that had been set up, blaster fire started up deeper into the temple where team blue had gone. Felix whirled on his heel and sprinted down the hallway, lifting his wrist to this mouth to bark into the transponder, “Report!”

The captain of team blue did not respond, but the light on the side of Felix’s transponder indicated that his heart was still beating.

Clicking his tongue, Felix readied his lightsaber and reached out with the force.

The blaster fire was still going strong, but he could sense something else in the temple, something dark. Something dangerous. A Darksider. Maybe even a fully-fledged Sith. 

Gritting his teeth, Felix pushed on. The closer he got, the clearer he could hear the sounds of the blaster fire. Which meant that at least his soldiers were still alive. 

Felix half expected to eventually hear the hum of another lightsaber in the air, and to smell burning flesh in the way that only a lightsaber made it, but instead, he realized that whatever his soldiers were fighting against, was using blasters as well. 

The sounds they made were different, and the wounds they left were far more bloody, old school, really, and not blasters at all. 

Felix lunged over the body of one of his fallen soldiers and deflected one of the blasts. Instead of getting redirected the projectile - a bullet - shattered, and only his quick reflexes stopped him from getting hit by the shrapnel.

The dark presence in the force was still where Felix had initially noted it, and it was not at the place of battle. 

Felix cut another projectile from the air, careful that the splinters did not hit him. Then he reached for the force, grasped the bullets in the air, and sent them back at their attackers.

Droids. 

Felix had never seen droids like these before, neither on the battlefield, nor in any of his lessons and briefings. 

At his arrival, the Force swelled with the relief of his soldiers. “Aim for the joints,” he instructed and was pleased when they reacted immediately. 

With the addition of a Jedi, the droids were easy to push back. Lethal and destructive their projectiles might be, but they were also much easier to grasp and redirect than blaster bolts. 

The tide of the battle turned in their favor as soon as Felix had arrived, and then it was over quickly. 

“Sir,” his second in command approached him with quick steps. There were scratch marks on his armor, but his movements were smooth, and there was no trace of pain in his force signature. 

“Commander,” Felix returned, “Tell me what happened, and where these droids came from.”

The man gave a sharp nod, well used to Felix’s brisk manners after years of working with him. Apparently, the droids had been inactive and had only come alive once one of the Adestian soldiers had activated them. As his commander told him, the man had been fleeing from something, and while the droids had been used against Felix’s forces, they seemed to have initially been meant to fight someone - or something else. Some beast, if the Adrestian’s dying pleas were to be believed. 

Pursuing his lips, Felix let the rest report wash over him, but most of his focus was on the dark presence. He wondered if it was the beast. 

Then, just as the report came to an end, the presence started to move, and more sounds of fighting broke out in the distance.

None of Felix’s soldiers were in that direction, and except for the dark presence, there was no sign of life. Maybe some of the droids had decided to go after their intended target after all.

Felix turned, hand going to his saber, “Secure the temple,” he barked over his shoulder as he made his way down the corridor, ignoring the shouts behind him. 

Using the force, Felix was able to make his way through the temple quicker than his soldiers could follow. 

The Darksider was moving slowly. The blaster fire continued. 

Felix got closer, and now he could hear the distant hum of a lightsaber. The sound was different from the one his own made. Just like he thought, it was a non-standard saber. 

A loud crash made Felix stop his sprint and proceed more carefully. All his senses on high alert. 

The presence was dark and menacing. Powerful. It spread through the force like something vile and seemed to taint the air around them. 

But none of the darkness could not hide the misery it carried. Nor the familiarity. 

Felix could not place it, but neither could he shake the feeling that he _should_ know that Darksider's. 

Another crash, this one far louder, closer, and more violent. Even the ground beneath his feet shook from the impact, and the force around him buzzed with anticipation for _something_. 

Felix grimaced and switched on his saber, the purple blade lit up in front of him. “I have a bad feeling about this,” he mumbled half to himself, before stepping into the old hangar where the fighting had been happening.

\--

The room was destroyed; support pillars had been shattered, and a part of the ceiling had come down. The ground was littered with debris and broken droids. At the side of the large space, Felix could make out the shapes of ships that had been slammed against the wall. Some of them were still sparking with electricity, which meant they had likely been the source of the loud crash from some moments ago.

The fight he had heard was over, however. 

All that remained of the droids was scrap metal. They had been destroyed with violent force, shattered into small parts, and ripped apart; whoever had done it had used none of the precision and deliberation that Felix had employed when taking them out. 

Slowing his steps and bracing himself for a possible attack, Felix moved further into the old hangar. He could still feel the dark presence in the Force, but despite knowing that the other presence was here, Felix could not pinpoint its location. He gritted his teeth and then whirled around when the sound of engines starting rang through the quiet.

Finally, he had found the person the presence belonged to. 

The Darksider was a man. Tall. Armed with a saberstaff. He was moving leisurely towards the ship at the end of the hangar. 

Felix cursed and made to follow. He wasn’t being quiet, so there was no way that the Darksider should not have noticed him. The man gave no indication of it, however, instead, he continued his calm walk. He was carrying the processor unit of one of the temple droids along in his other hand. Head shaped as it was, it made a macabre sight dangling on its wires. 

The mechanical voice of an AI rang through the hanger, informing all that would listen that the startup sequence had been initiated. 

Felix stopped his pursuit, struck was his force presence of the Darksider. This close, without the emotion of his soldiers whirling through the force around him, and without the dampening walls of the old temple, he could feel it clearly.

He knew that man. There was no denying it. His presence in the force, dark and twisted, still echoed with an arching familiarity. A presence that Felix had known, a presence that should be dead. It wasn’t possible-

The figure was taller. Broader, and moved with the lethal sort of grace that- that _he_ had never had. 

“Stop,” Felix shouted, and pretended that his voice did not shake, “In the name of the Republic-”

The figure turned, the hood he wore fell back slightly, their gazes met, and Felix could not speak.

Because the man - the Darksider - he was-

Blond. Taller than Felix. And taller than he remembered. But the face was the same. The same nose, the same mouth, though the expression was an unfamiliar one. There was no denying it, it was-

Their gazes still held.

His eyes were yellow. 

The ramp snapped close. The ship rose off the ground.

Felix could do nothing but stare. Heart in his throat and sick to his stomach.

“...Dimitri?”

It was impossible, and yet-

\--

Felix had learned of Dimitri’s death almost five years ago. 

Even now the memory came to him with crystal clarity: The way the sun had just started to set, painting the room in shades of red and orange. The way he stood behind his master's council chair, eager for his last duty of the day to be over.

The sight of Edelgard standing in the middle of the chamber. The way her voice had broken. Her pain in the force.

Her lips shaping the words: _Dimitri died_.

That was what stuck Felix the most.

\--

That day. Five years ago.

Standing in the middle of the council chamber, Edelgard’s voice faltered, and she cut herself off, pain evident on her face, “Arundel, he. He attacked and- Dimitri, he was _so angry_.” There was horror in that word. “They fought and - he fell and, and his presence disappeared.”

She sounded choked, and the shock and betrayal that had happened to her and- _That_ had rung through the force around her. 

Edelgard visibly braced herself, tried to tug her shielding together, but did not really manage. It was unbecoming of a Jedi, especially one so highly praised as her, but-

Felix did not care.

_Dimitri was dead._

Felix didn’t hear much after that. Not that he needed to listen anyway. Standing in the Jedi council chamber behind his master's back was more about discipline than about paying attention, but it had never stopped Felix before.

Yet, on that day, with the words “Dimitri died” ringing in his ear, again and again, Felix struggled to keep himself shielded so he did not draw the focus of the assembled Jedi Masters to him by leaking his emotions all over the room.

Edelgard continued talking, her regret swirling in the force around her no matter how often she tried to keep it contained. 

Dimitri was dead. Byleth - Dimitri’s second master, the one who had taken over his training after Patricia’s death - was dead. Arundel had betrayed them. Shoved Byleth into a Force Nexus and then turned on Dimitri.

Felix had to curl his hands into fists to stop the shaking. 

Edelgard’s report came to a close. The masters asked questions and got halting responses. Felix heard very little of what was being said. 

The words kept repeating in his head. 

Dimitri was dead. Dead, and gone, and not coming back.

It took all of his willpower to keep himself immovable, to not storm across the room, shake Edelgard, and demand answers. To demand to know how she dared to come back when Dimitri didn’t. 

How-

When Dimitri finally-

When-

The meeting passed in a haze. At some point, he could feel his father hesitantly reaching for him in the force. His presence brushing against Felix’s shields. Felix wouldn’t have let him in anyway, but usually, he would have sent him a mental slap, just to make his displeasure clear.

He couldn’t do that now. He didn’t dare.

Felix knew with startling certainty that if he let go of his shielding for even a moment, he would not be able to hold on. So he hid behind durasteel-like shielding pouring all his focus and determination into it. It allowed him not to think.

Eventually, Grandmaster Rhea dismissed the meeting. Her presence in the force was calm, and her face almost unchanged.

Felix didn’t look at any of them. He ignored his father rising at the other end of the chamber clearly intending to talk to him. Brushed aside Edelgard’s hand - with more force than necessary - and left the room with even steps.

Council attendance had been his last duty of the day.

He could leave.

He could (hide), go to his room and think.

And so he did. 

And it was wrong. Dimitri was dead, and Felix-

Only later, alone in his room, doors locked behind him, and sitting on the couch, Felix allowed himself to examine his feelings. He knew he had to unless he wanted to end up like Dimitri.

Or, at least what he had thought Dimitri would end up as before.

Before he died.

Felix breathed. 

What bothered him the most was the shock he had felt at Edelgard’s report. After all, wasn’t he the one who had said that Dimitri would end up getting himself killed?

(Killed or twisted so deeply that it wasn’t Dimitri at all anymore.)

Another deep breath. In and out.

But before Dimitri had left for that mission he had- 

And Felix had-

Deep breath. In and out. 

Edelgard had said that Dimitri had lost control. It was what she had opened with, and her shock and horror at the rage Dimitri could fall into had been clear.

Felix understood only too well. He remembered the feeling of it, the sudden shock, the darkness, the rage flooding the force, and how Felix had been so shocked he had dropped his lightsaber.

His lightsaber.

Felix scrambled up from the couch, almost stumbling over the blanket he had simply shoved to the ground when he had come back to his room and moved to sit, and made his way over to the small secure equipment chest at the other side of his room.

The chest was dusty and obviously hadn’t been opened in a way. Felix had never planned on opening it ever again. But that’s where his feet let him. Where every part of him screamed at him to go.

He entered the security code and pressed his fingers on the sensor so they could be scanned. The process seemed to take forever, but eventually, the chest unlocked. A small click running through the room and the security mechanism slid open.

Felix stared at what was inside. His lightsaber.

No, that wasn’t right. Felix had a saber, it hung at his belt. The blade was purple - just like his teachers, and though he had mastered combat with it, it had never quite felt perfect. Not like the saber in the chest.

His old lightsaber. His first lightsaber with the crystal he had retrieved in Ilumn and which song in the force used to lull him to sleep. 

The one he had locked away 3 years ago and promised himself he would never look at again - even when he had not been able to convince himself to disassemble it and space the crystal. 

The lightsaber looked just the way Felix remembered it. The small nick on the hilt he had gotten when he and Dimitri had gotten too enthusiastic in training, the shape of it, the darker metal he and Glenn had acquired on a mission.

It was a reminder of so many things that had been easier to forget when he no longer had to think about it. It had been a hard decision, but after he had been forced to meditate to calm himself for hours, this was the solution he had found.

The force had not disagreed.

Yet, as Felix reached for it now, the force sang with approval. Felix felt sick, and the feeling only intensified when his hands closed around the hilt - it somehow still fit perfectly - and he lifted it from the chest.

He took a step back and sank to the ground.

Hands shaking and with his fingers uncharacteristically clumsy, breath uneven and stuttering, and his heart beating far too fast, he eventually managed to switch on the blade. 

It ignited with a hiss, casting its cool glow through the dark room. Felix stared at it. 

It was a stunning shade of blue. A bit darker than the standard blue saber, but bright all the same. A color Felix had been familiar with, had loved, and cherished long before Glenn and his classmates had ever taken his youngling class to Ilum to get their first kyber crystals. 

The same color as Dimitri’s eyes. 

(Glenn had teased him about it endlessly, but Dimitri had blushed and looked at Felix with stars in his eyes, and Felix- 

Felix had been happy.)

Felix hadn’t been able to look at the lightsaber without flinching after that disastrous—though the council had called it successful—mission in the Western Cluster. Every time he did, he remembered staring into Dimitri’s eyes—blood splattering his friend's face from where he had abandoned his saberstaff to attack their opponents with his bare hands and rip them apart—and watching them bleed into yellow.

A sickly shade, so very different from the blue Felix loved. 

The eyes of a monster staring back at him out of his best friend’s face. Even now, he remembered it vividly. Remembered the exact shade of it, remembered the twisted grimace, remembered the force churning, and churning and churning, and _reaching for him_ —

Felix let out a shuddering breath. 

There was a reason he had locked the saber away and picked up another crystal. 

(Had Dimitri’s eyes still been blue when he died? Or had they been that sickly yellow that haunted Felix’s nightmares? He didn’t know. He never would.)

Felix closed his eyes, sank into the force, and breathed.

(Dimitri used to be fascinated by the idea of dual-wielding, even after the trainers had advised him against using them himself the third time he had given himself burns with the practice sabers. Instead, he had tried to get all of their friends to dual-wield instead, especially Felix, the only one among them who favored the traditional saber. He had even gotten him a different utility belt on a mission, claiming that it was perfect for carrying two blades.

Felix had refused. 

Again and again and again. It had almost been a game. 

A game they hadn’t played for years now.)

Dimitri was dead. The next time Felix left his room, two sabers hung at his belt. He would not use them, but-

Felix acknowledged that the irony did not escape him.

Dimitri was dead. 

One with the Force. At peace. No longer tormented by the dark side and the ghosts that seemed to cling to him. No longer walking that thin line, that Felix had not been able to pull him away from.

Safe.

Felix should be glad.

_Death, yet the Force._

\---

Dimitri and Felix had been best friends once.

They had been in the same crèche group.

They had done basically everything together, playing, training, learning, growing.

They had become Padawan on the same day.

Felix had unexpectedly been chosen by Master Seteth, while Dimitri was picked by Knight Patricia, one of the most premier sentinels of the order.

For a long time, everything had seemed almost perfect. Sometimes there had been missions that had been harder than others. There had been times where they had failed, but in general, life had been good.

They grew older, stronger, more experienced, and maybe even wiser.

Until the day everything went wrong. That mission that was all of Felix’s nightmares made manifest.

After that, things had changed. Felix had no longer been able to look at Dimitri without seeing his blood-splattered form, the poisonous yellow in his eyes, and the mad laughter that had burst from his chest when he slaughtered his way across the battlefield.

After that, Felix had not turned away. Instead, he stuck closer, desperate to get his friend to be better. To let go of the darkness and the anger that seems to follow him wherever he went. He had talked to his father, Byleth, the Grandmaster-

None of them had listened.

They had called Dimitri diligent, his control commendable, and they did not look past the facade. But Felix had seen it, could feel it even though the force bond that had lingered in their mind from when they were young children.

Felix could feel the darkness and the rage, and how Dimitri barely seemed to cling to the light. He had tried to help, but Dimitri had turned him away. Had made the shields in his mind so strong that even Felix could not sneak past, and eventually-

Eventually, Felix had cut his losses rather than risk Dimitri taking him down with him. After a while, matters had normalized, except for the distance between them that Dimitri tried to break time and time again, only to be rebuffed time and time again.

Years passed, and through their old closeness had been gone they seemed to have reached a new status quo. Without the trust. Without the bond. Without-

But the things, the terrible, horrible heart-wrenching thing, was-

That they had tried to do better.

Dimitri had tried, and then shortly before the end, Felix-

Felix had tried, too.

Even now, with five years between them, he would know Dimitri anywhere, even if it was impossible.

\--

Dimitri’s death, Arundel’s betrayal - they had been the death knell of the peace that the Republic had enjoyed for almost three hundred years, and what followed as a galaxy-wide war. Lines were drawn, systems splintered apart and the senate struggled to hold on to a measure of stability. Despite their struggle, even the Galactic Core wasn’t spared from uprisings and battles. 

What troubled the Jedi Order most, however, was the clear involvement of Darksiders. The Sith Empire had kept out of the Republic's borders for the most part, since the clash on Tailean, but suddenly they turned up everywhere. It was readily apparent that instead of keeping to themselves the Sith had been biding their time and making connections. And the Jedi had not seen them coming.

In the beginning, the Jedi Order had tried kept their distance and only sent in Jedi when it came to matters of negotiation, mediation, or to prevent strikes against non-combatants, but that changed once the Sith appeared, seemingly to be part of just about every rebel group. 

It was the duty of every Jedi to stand against the dark, and with the Sith being part of the war, the Jedi could not avoid it either.

Felix was a Guardian, his specialty was combat. He was good at fighting, better than he had ever been at diplomacy or investigation, but no amount of training could have prepared him for the war he found himself in.

The worst wasn’t even the fighting, but seeing the impact it had on some of his fellow Padawans, feeling the way their force presences got tainted and lost their brightness. The way the death and fighting weighed on them, the desperation and horror they could never quite shake off.

Seeing them fall. _Feeling_ them fall.

(The way Dimitri almost had. Death, it seemed, had spared him.)

After five years of war, Felix’s new lightsaber killed more people than he knew names. It glowed purple still, but he was sure that if it had been a traditional blade, no amount of cleaning and care could have kept it from straining.

(His old saber was but a memento, one he still could not bring himself to use, not for battle. He used it to meditate, let the soft blue glow remind him that the world was not as dark as the war made it seem. That too seemed to be wrong.)

\--

Now.

By the time his soldiers caught up to him, Felix had gathered most of his composure, though he held his second saber in a white-knuckled grip.

Dimitri was dead.

Felix had heard the report. Had been unable to find his presence in the force. (Had felt him vanish, even if he hadn’t wanted to believe it.) There was no way that he was alive.

For a moment, Felix had considered the possibility that the Darksider was a clone, but dismissed it quickly. While cloning would explain the physical similarities, a force presence was as much shaped by experiences and mentality as it was by biology. And the Darksider’s (Dimitri’s) presence might have been different enough that Felix had not recognized him immediately (and it burned), but it was similar enough that it could not be reconstructed.

That meant that…. Dimitri was alive.

Dimitri, whom he had felt die, was alive.

Alive, and fallen to the dark side.

Even an hour later, sitting on his bunk and waiting for the Jedi council to call for his report, Felix felt sick.

All these years, he had told himself that at least Dimitri was at peace. That he was with the force, beyond any danger.

The consolation that had been drummed into his mind since he was a little boy.

Only, Dimitri was alive.

He had never been safe.

He had needed help, more than ever before, and he hadn’t gotten it. And now-

A large part of Felix did not want to think about it, but he had never allowed himself to look away from things that he did not like before. Especially not when it came to Dimitri. He would not start now.

The thing was that he had no idea what to do.

Felix let his head fall into his hands. Suddenly, the second lightsaber at his belt felt incredibly heavy. He had carried it as a reminder, but now it felt like an accusation.

Time passed, but Felix did not know how long it had been when his pager lit up, the Id code indicating that it was time for his report.

Taking a deep breath Felix gathered himself, let his distress go into the force as much as he could, and checked his mental shielding.

Then he pressed the accept button on his com and connected it to the larger holoprojector in his room.

The cold blue light filled the room, and a handful of members of the Jedi Council appeared. It was near impossible to call a full council session with the war raging, even with the use of holographic projections. War rarely allowed for a predictable schedule.

Felix bowed, before straightening and looking at the grandmaster.

Grandmaster Rhea was wearing her usual robes, and the quality of her projection indicated that she was back in the temple. When he had been sent on this mission, the Grandmaster had sent Felix detailed floor plans and instructed him to reclaim the Temple for the Order. There had been an almost maniac light in her eyes when she had ordered him to destroy the temple and its mausoleum, rather than let it remain in the hands of their ancient enemies. 

What would she think of this?

“Knight Fraldarius, do you have your report of the retaking on Garreg Mach?” There was something intent in her eyes, the same way it had been when she had assigned him this mission.

Felix nodded. The beginning of the report was easy. He spoke about their approach, the opposition he faced, and the lack of defense, but then-

Then he had to swallow.

The council members picked up on the fact that something irregular had happened. He could see some of them shift from the corner of his eye.

Voice even Felix reported the presence of the Darksider, described him even, but-

“Is there anything else you can tell us about him?” Grandmaster Rhea’s voice was calm, and Felix found himself meeting her gaze evenly.

“No,” he answered, and did not say one word about the fact that it had been Dimitri. There was a knot at the center of his chest. It was made up of dread, fear, and anger.

Felix knew how fallen Jedi had been handled during the war: contained and locked up if possible. Eliminated otherwise. He had been sent on such missions before, if only because his skill with the saber and the Force put him leagues ahead of most of his peers when it came to combat.

Dimitri had always been stubborn.

Felix could track him, he knew he could. He had practice tracking Darksiders, and now that he knew it was Dimitri, it would be even easier.

What Felix wasn’t sure about was, if he could deal with the consequences.

“I see.” The grandmaster sounded troubled. “Was there any indication of what the Sith wanted in the temple?”

Felix’s words came thoughtlessly, “He wasn’t a Sith.” The grandmaster’s eyes sharpened further, and Felix had to explain. “He attacked their forces, but there was only terror in the force, no betrayal.” It wasn’t enough, so he changed tracks. “When he left he took the processor of one of the temple droids with him.”

That information at least drew Rhea’s attention, and not only her’s, Felix could also see his old master sit straighter in his chair. The Jedi Council exchanged glances, but like so often, they did not explain.

“I see…” Rhea’s voice was dark, “The appearance of an unaffiliated Darksider.” And her attention on him was keen; Felix did not allow himself to falter. “Is troubling, especially given recent reports.”

She did not elaborate on that part, Felix tilted his head slightly so he could see his father’s projection. Their gazes met, and the old man’s lips pursed, but otherwise, his face gave nothing away.

“Knight Fraldarius,“ the grandmaster’s voice called his attention back to her, “Your next assignment is to back up knights Pinelli and Ordelia, they have reported a steady increase of reinforcement on the enemy side.” She paused. “Ensure that the temple is properly defended, we will send troops to ensure it stays under our control, but until then it is the responsibility of your soldiers.”

Felix nodded, though he could not stop his lips from pursuing in displeasure. How much support would he even be able to give Leonie and Lysithea if he had to leave most of his troops behind to hold the temple?

“Also,” Rhea continued, clearly ignoring his displeasure. “If there are any sightings of Darksiders, especially the one you encountered in the temple, let us know. May the Force be with you, Knight Fraldarius.”

She cut the connection between them before Felix had finished his farewell bow, but that was par the course these days.

Organizing the troops did not take Felix long. The men were well trained, and they had established a routine that meant he did not actually have to do much. Felix was on his way out the next evening.

He had not expected to encounter Dimitri on his mission again, and so, of course, he did.

\--

As always, Leonie had punched his shoulder with more force than necessary when she greeted him. Felix would never say it out loud, but his shoulder was still aching ten minutes later when they settled down around the holographic map of the Ordelia.

The furrow of Lysithea’s brow was deeper than usual, a clear clue that something was actually wrong. Felix wasn’t sure if it was because it was her homeworld under attack or something else. He let his own eyes wander over the map, taking the terrain - urban, he hated urban - and the spots that were lit up in different shades of red indicating the places that battles had taken place.

There seemed to be no pattern to them at first glance. The lighter red spaces which represented the battles further back were logical, targeting strategic locations and supply routes, but at some point-

“We don’t know what led to the change, we know where their locations are,” Lysithea stated, likely having traced his gaze. She was always far too observant, “In the beginning their attack pattern made sense, then something changed.” 

She pursed her lips. “At first I thought an incompetent commander had taken over, but after a while, it went back to normal-” She pointed out several battles where the intention was clear - they had been trying to take strongholds. Foolish without a proper setup, but understandable. “But then it changed again.”

For a moment Lysithea’s frustration bled into the Force, but then she took a deep breath and forced herself to let it go. Felix looked to Leonie, who had stood silently by the control panel, when their gazes met the knight shrugged.

“When the pattern first changed, I thought they might have been attacked by a third party,” She explained and pointed out some battles, “It seemed like they were fleeing, but the change was only temporary, and we didn’t hear of any other troops on the planet.”

“And then, two days ago, the pattern changed again.” Whatever progress Lysithea had made in curbing her frustration was lost. Her fists curled and she glared at the projection. Leonie continued, “Back to fleeing.”

Something niggled at the back of Felix’s mind, a nudge from the force, “When did the pattern first change, and how long did it last?”

Brow furrowed, Leonie gave him the date.

Felix’s mind spun, racing through the calculations for the travel time. The difference between his arrival. The change in the pattern. _You’re grasping for straws_ , part of his mind told him, but it fit so well.

“Did you send out troops to scout?” He asked. The look Leonie sent him was well deserved. Of course, she did, it was a stupid question.

“Of course,” She paused, “There were traces of battle... But they were strange as if only one side was shooting.”

Felix nodded slowly, his mind flashed back to the many battlefields he had seen. “So... as if a lone Jedi were fighting them.”

The force buzzed around him, a note of discord appearing the moment the word Jedi left his lips. 

“Felix, what do you know?” Lysithea’s voice was sharp, and Leonie leaned forward in anticipation.

“Nothing.” It wasn’t a lie, at least not from a certain point of view, so they would not feel any untruth from him.

Lysithea sighed in disappointment.

Felix didn’t know anything, all he had was a suspicion- a hope-

“A suspicion, then?” 

Leonie had always paid attention to more than just the Force. She had been chided for it often enough back when they were padawan. A Jedi served the Force first and foremost, but Felix had never looked down on her for it or wanted her to change. Until now.

He had to give them something.

“The council is weary of more Darksider interference.”

It was enough, for the moment.

\--

The mattress of his bunk was irritatingly soft as Felix settled into his meditation. His mind was whirling and the suspicion ( the hope) that it could be Dimitri again would not leave him. Felix still had no idea how he felt about all of it, or what he could possibly do.

Possibly finding Dimitri here, it could be both the best and the worst thing that could happen. The best, because he could not shake the hope that he could find out what had truly happened to his former friend, and the worst for almost the same reasons.

However, whether Dimitri was on Ordelia, or not, Felix would need a clear head tomorrow, and his meditation in hyperspace had evidently not been enough. With a sigh that let the tension flow out of his body, Felix sank into the Force and focused on the life buzzing around him. Meditation on a planet was always easier for Felix than in space. It was as if he was listening to the planet's breath. Slow and steady, unbothered by the anxieties and fears of the humans that lived on it, it allowed Felix to breathe as well.

After a while, he spread out his senses, choosing instead to focus on the lifeforms on the planet. There was a niggling feeling at the back of his, a gentle tug and nudge prompting him to search. He felt Leonie and Lysithea close to him. Their presence in the Force steady and strong, shielded, but not hidden. The soldiers, duller, less connected, but no less alive.

The further he reached from his physical location, the less clear the impressions became. Seteth had once told him that for a true master distance did not matter because everything was connected through the Force, but Felix had never been able to let go of reality so readily. Most of the time impressions alone were more than enough. It helped him get a good enough idea of the terrain they would face and the direction in which their enemies were.

But, aside from Lysithea and Leonie, he could feel no other force-sensitive on Ordelia. He lingered in meditation for a long time, centered in the Force, and waiting for the smallest sign that his suspicions were correct. The Force bit him to be patient.

Felix was almost ready to give up and pull out of his meditation when something rippled through the Force. Another presence appeared, like a dark flower hesitantly unfolding its petals at the rising of the sun. Felix almost lost his focus. Anticipation thrummed through him, and he carefully tried to pinpoint the location of the presence.

Dimitri. The name echoed through Felix’s mind, through his being, as if it were his own heartbeat. Against his better judgment - because this was a Darksider - Felix lowered the shields that kept his presence veiled, and made him unrecognizable. 

He could feel the shock ripple through the other force presence, despite its concealment in dark mist. Deep in meditation as Felix was, he had a much clearer read on it than he had managed on Garreg Mach. Now, he could see beyond the familiarity of the presence and the traces time had left on him. What he found, made him feel sick. There was so much pain, anger, and _rage_. Dripping and clinging to it, corroding through the familiar structure of his presence like vicious acid. Traces of light still clung to it, and the tattered and torn remains of what had once been powerful force bonds seemed to bleed into the force.

Felix reached out, foolishly, hopefully, let another layer of his shielding fall, and laid bare the scar left behind by the snapping of his own bond.

For one moment the presence - _Dimitri_ \- reached back to him. It sent a tingle through Felix, like treads weaving beginning to weave together, but then, like clouds drifting before a dark sun, he was gone. 

But what lingered was the imprint of a name. 

His name. 

Felix. 

-

Felix opened his eyes. He breathed in, breathed out, and clenched his shaking hands into fists. The never-healed remnants of his force bond burned in his head, sending pain through him as if he had pressed a finger onto a bruise. 

There was no doubt left anymore.

Dimitri was truly here. Alive.

\--

The next day, Felix hunted as he had done so often in recent years. This time, however, he made no effort to conceal himself. 

He could feel the gazes of Lysithea and Leonie on his back as he ordered his soldiers to cooperate with them and left the camp. They could feel him in the Force and knew well enough that they should not be able to. 

But this was no usual hunt. 

It wasn’t even a hunt, truly. There was no prey (only a treasure) that he sought to find. Dimitri knew he was on the planet, and Felix had to believe he would find him.

Listening to the nudges and the pull of the Force Felix made his way through the ruins of the city. He avoided the enemy patrols as best as he could and ignored the part of him that reminded him that he had been sent here to support Leonie and Lysithea personally, and not just by bringing troops. 

Felix did not find Dimitri the way he had planned. Instead, it seemed that the Force itself reminded him of his orders because despite his preoccupation Felix would not walk away from seeing their troops under attack.

Lightsaber humming to life, Felix threw himself into the fight and built up his primary shielding. While he did not mind feeling the relief of his troops, they were fighting sentients, and though Felix could not block out the way the force rippled when they left the mortal plane and had no interest in feeling their dread and terror at facing a Jedi on the battlefield.

He did not mind fighting, but killing still left a bad taste in his mouth. Stronger shielding in battle helped him keep his focus, and muted the echo of the feelings of others around him. 

This time, however, there was another side effect. The dread of his enemies remained constant, only spiking occasionally when they came face to face with him-- or so Felix had assumed, at least, until he saw _him_.

With two of the system's three suns were high in the sky, almost setting, the battlefield was drenched in orange, red, and gold. It was so bright that Felix almost didn’t see the red Saberstaff as it came for him. It was only the sudden warning that rang through the Force and the hum of a saber not his own, coupled with countless hours of training and experience, that made it possible for Felix to bring his lightsaber up to guard in time.

There was a sharp hiss - a sound unique to lightsaber duels - as their blades met. Felix strained under the force of the blow. He braced himself, let the Force sing through him, and pushed back. 

A dark chuckle rang out, and Felix almost froze at the sound. 

Again, it was his instincts that saved him. Years of training (fighting against a saberstaff user, against _this_ user) made him bend backward, and barely avoid the backward-swing that his attacker made with the second half of the blade. 

And still, the stench of scorched hair stung in Felix’s nostrils as he used the Force to push himself backward, and into a ready position. His attacker did not follow.

Instead, he stood and waited. Close as there were now, all traces of doubt to the Darksider’s identity were gone (Felix had had none, but he had hoped and dreaded-).

It was Dimitri. 

And despite the danger he excluded, he looked tired and worn, dark circles evident under the skin of his eyes, the same way it clung to his force signature. He still wielded a saberstaff - his old saberstaff - and Felix could faintly hear the kyber crystals scream in the Force. It had bled, and now, both blades glowed an ominous red.

Their eyes met, and the sickness in the Force was nothing in comparison to the nausea welling up in his throat when he looked into yellow eyes.

“Felix,” Dimitri said, his voice different from how Felix remembered it. Deeper, rougher.

 _Felix_ , Dimitri called through the Force, dripping with darkness and rage that could not be contained, but the voice itself was the same. 

The smile on Dimitri’s face, if it could be called that, however, was like nothing Felix had ever seen. Even more so than his force signature, it dripped with malice, and it twisted his features into a grotesque caricature.

“Dimitri.” Shame coursed through Felix as his voice broke over the name, only to turn into anger - and he had to _let it go_ \- as Dimitri’s sickly yellow eyes lit up with glee.

“How are you alive?” Felix snapped, he did not dare lower his sword, but still, like a fool, he reached for Dimitri in the Force, only to be slapped away by vicious shielding. He winced at the backslash, but Dimitri showed no indication that he had even noticed. ”Edelgard said-”

Dimitri’s expression lost any and all resemblance to a smile, twisting into a snarl, like a beast baring its fangs. He lunged.

Felix parried.

“Force!” He cursed under his breath as he darted forward into Dimitri’s guard.

“Fight me, Jedi!” There was no recognition in Dimitri’s eyes anymore, no trace of malicious amusement and only anger-

No. Only rage. 

Without an ounce of technique, Dimitri twisted his saberstaff to strike at him. But no lack of technique would ever be able to distract the sheer force from Dimitri’s swings. Again, Felix parried, redirecting the momentum of the blow.

Their sabers met with a crackle, and Felix strained against the weight of it, but he was pushed back all the same. And so, Felix gave way, making use of the momentum of the swing, to push himself off and backward. He reached for the Force even before he landed.

The sounds of the battle, of lightsabers firing, fades away, to be replaced with a different level of awareness.

His feet touched the ground and he sank into his stance. There was the briefest ripple of surprise, of recognition from Dimitri, but Felix brushed it aside and lurched forward. 

Dimitri parried, but Felix did not relent, strike after strike after strike, he aimed for the weak spots. Moving forward, forcing his opponent to dodge and block, there were patterns to his strikes Felix knew. Patterns that Dimitri recognized, they had learned them together as children. All initiates had. Seeing them now on the battlefield made him comfortable, complacent.

Foolish. 

Sinking deeper into the Force, Felix let go.

His next attack took Dimitri by surprise, and, guided by the Force as Felix was, he would not allow him to regain the advantage. With sweeping strikes, he forced Dimitri backward forcing him to give ground or lose his grip on his saber. The very nature of it, the connectedness of the two blades that so often made it a difficult weapon for anyone to face, now became his hurdle.

Dimitri’s surprise and irritation washed over him, and Felix allowed himself a satisfied smirk.

This wasn’t the pure Makashi of their childhood (that his father favored, that Glenn had practiced) nor was it Ataru, which Dimitri had last seen him use. 

Of all the forms Felix had never thought he would focus on Shii-Cho would have held the first place. The first form was hardly the most suitable for lightsaber to lightsaber combat, instead fashioned to be used against multiple opponents. Unsuitable for modern fighting, a mere tool to teach the basics of combat - unless it was in the hands of a master. 

Felix was such a master. He mastered the basics, and entrusted himself to the force and let it take him to greater heights.

Lightsabers hummed through the air, with only the shortest of crackles as their blades met. Eventually, Dimitri managed to get him into a lock. Over their crossed blades their gazes met.

There was something grotesque to seeing Dimitri’s face lit up by the malicious red light of his saberstaff. Something horrifying in meeting his yellow eyes. 

Something infuriating in seeing his smile of satisfaction. 

The Force sang through his veins and Felix twisted his grip and struck forward.

He might have mastered Shii Cho, but he had never forgotten Makashi. 

The curse his change of attack pattern prompted, made Felix smile. Only a fool would let himself be restricted by sticking to one form alone. 

They clashed again, the rhythm of it rang of familiarity. 

Felix saw the way Dimitri’s features smoothed out, and calm returned to his expression. (They had fought like this so often.) Saw the way Dimitri’s unhinged emotions focused, and his form regained the distinct patterns of Djem So. 

The force sang joined by the hum of lightsabers swinging through the air, and it was almost as if Felix had gone back in time. He knew, however, that no amount of wishful thinking could change their situation. 

The discordant note of the bleeding kyber crystal broke their harmony.

The clash of purple against red signified their allegiance. 

The yellow of Dimitri’s eyes marked their changes.

Again, their sabers clashed with a crackling hiss.

A heartbeat and they broke apart.

They did not attack each other again, each one waiting for the other one to make the first move. The manic energy that had seemed to surround Dimitri at the beginning of their clash was gone, instead, he was curiously calm.

Dimitri moved to the right, a slow and prowling movement, and Felix mirrored him.

Their sabers hummed through the air, the sound more notable than their footsteps.

“How are you alive?” Felix asked again, “I-We thought you were dead.”

Their careful circling continued, but the hum of the saberstaff changed as Dimitri shrugged, a new tension returning to his frame.

“That’s what she wishes,” Dimitri hissed, “I won’t die before I have vengeance. They demand it of me.”

Felix had no idea who _she_ was, or who was in a position to make demands of Dimitri, but he had a feeling that asking would gain him nothing at this point.

“Vengeance against whom?” 

Yellow eyes rested on him, and for a moment Felix thought he would get an answer and with it the first key to the puzzle that was Dimitri’s survival.

“It does not concern you.” Dimitri’s voice was dismissive, and Felix bristled instinctively but forced himself not to lash out.

“What happened to you?”

He had not expected the laughter. Dimitri threw back his head, letting his guard fall, and his saberstaff bite into the ground.

Over the hum of his saber, the crackling of Dimitri’s staff cutting into the earth, over the sound of the blasterfire that suddenly returned to Felix’s hearing it was a jarring and ominous sound.

“What didn’t?” Dimitri returned, now sounding truly unhinged. His shielding faltered completely, and his emotions flooded into the force. Unhinged humor without any joy. Terror and fear and pain. Rage and malice. And above all Darkness, drenched in desperation.

Felix felt sick. Part of him wanted to slam up his shielding with renewed force, but another part of him-

Against all his training he lowered his saber and raised his off-hand to--

“Dimitri--”

He didn’t know. But whatever he had planned to do, it was never put into action. An explosion detonated to their right. The blast ripped him from his feet and threw him into the air. 

He landed against a wall and rolled with the movement to decrease the momentum. In the Force, he could feel Dimitri disappear, his shielding piercing itself together and cutting him off from Felix’s senses. 

When the dust settled, Dimitri was nowhere to be seen. 

Felix wanted to track him, but blaster fire in his direction demanded his attention instead. The fight wasn’t over. And no matter how heavy and disconnected Felix suddenly felt, he needed to prioritize the safety of the soldiers.

Even if each sweep of his blade felt like a waste of time, there was something niggling at him, demanding he follow Dimitri. It wasn’t the force. Just Felix's own selfish desire. 

At his belt, his second saber felt heavy.

\-- 

Later, after the fighting was done, Felix found himself in the command post faced with Lysithea’s and Leonie’s questions. They wanted to know who the Darksider was, what he was doing, and what his intentions were. Except for the first, Felix didn’t know, but what he knew, he could not bring himself to tell them.

\--

They fought again the next day, and the day after, and the day after that.

Just like the first time, Dimitri appeared and attacked him out of nowhere. They barely even exchanged words, and yet Felix became intimately familiar with the clash of purple against red. He learned how to read Dimitri’s body language again, and got used to the way his name sounded in Dimitri’s gravely, growling voice.

Dimitri was alive.

He mocked Felix for his questions - if he reacted to them at all. He killed both their enemies and republic soldiers whenever they got in his way.

He disappeared as soon as Felix was distracted for a moment, even erasing his presence in the Force. The latter was strange because even though Felix could not feel where he was, or use it to track him, he still knew that Dimitri was around.

It was as if he had gained another sense of awareness solely directed at Dimitri. It was as reassuring as it was confusing.

However, despite this reassurance, Felix’s questions remained unanswered, and even meditation was not enough to quench his rising frustration. Felix persevered regardless, sinking into the Force and trying to put his thoughts to order. There was rarely enough time to sleep. Additionally, the rotation of the planet was shorter and further messed up the day and night rhythm. If not for the standardized chronos they had, Felix would likely have lost track of time completely.

In that at least, Dimitri was understandable and predictable. He turned up once a standard day. If he slept Felix didn't know, where he rested Dimitri would not say, what he wanted was not information for Felix to know, and what happened--

Questions about that were only answered with anger and renewed violence.

Even when Dimitri responded to his queries rather than directly attacked him, he was rambling and not making sense. And still, every rest cycle, Felix would sink into meditation and try to phrase out whatever clue Dimitri might have inadvertently given him. What could be gained from dismissive grunts, snarls that it was none of his business or mad rambling about vengeance, Felix did not know.

The only thing he was sure of by now was that Dimitri had two opponents: The Sith who had started this war, and - paradoxically - Edelgard.

He hadn’t yet figured out what role Edelgard had played in that mission that had gone wrong, and why she had been convinced that Dimitri must be dead. He had never asked her. In fact, after standing in on that meeting where she had made her report, Felix had tried his hardest to avoid her. Every time he saw her the Felix had felt the need to curse her, because how dare she live while Dimitri-

Now he could not help but wonder if questioning her would have led him to Dimitri sooner. If he could have saved him had he known to search. Their bond had been broken and Felix had thought him dead, but-

But nothing was ever truly separated in the Force, and the force bond he had shared with Dimitri - muted first, broken after - would have still given him advantage.

But he hadn’t asked. He hadn’t searched.

No one had.

And Dimitri-

Deep in his meditation, Dimitri’s presence was clear. After the first touch, the first reconnection, Felix could feel him at the edge of his senses, and it seemed like each time Felix meditated, Dimitri dared to push closer, to reach out more. His presence in the Force was dark. Darker than any presence Felix had ever felt before, but it wasn’t full of malice or even anger. It was fear and pain, which was sadder by far.

(And so much like the first time Felix had failed his friend, years ago in the Western Cluster.)

This time, Felix would not flinch away. Instead, he simply waited, and Dimitri reached for him. It was like tendrils of darkness that dared to grasp into the light. But they didn’t fade, didn’t flinch away, instead they lingered, like a feral, hurt cat basking in the sun. Hesitant, and paranoid, likely to retreat if approached.

And so, just like he treated cats, Felix waited. Let them come to him rather than follow them, and slowly but surely Dimitri came.

Felix could feel hesitance than underlined his presence in the Force, and he suspected that Dimitri’s approach was a subconscious one. Dimitri had no plan to let Felix close (it hurt), but when he rested, he kept reaching for him, seeking him, looking for the reassurance that Felix had denied him long ago.

Flashes of Dimitri’s dreams intruded on his meditation when he drifted especially close. Felix heard the echo of Dimitri screaming. Felt desperation and horror turn into betrayal and chilling hate. Saw flashes of Dimitri’s saberstaff bleeding red, and the echo of its scream through the Force as the dark side marred it. Heard the laughter of someone Dimitri hated, of someone he wanted dead.

But even they did not answer the questions that burned in Felix’s mind: What had happened to Dimitri? Who was responsible? How could Felix help?

\--

For two weeks, they waged their war on the planet. For two weeks, Felix clashed with Dimitri and felt him in his meditation after. Eventually, Dimitri started to respond to him again, but the responses were no more helpful than his non-responses. Of course, then, things had to change again.

The evening after one such encounter, Felix settled down into meditation, his mind spinning with the words Dimitri had spat at him. 

_“If I return to your precious order, I will be dead without ever reaching my goal.”_

Felix would have liked to put it aside as Dimitri’s paranoia. Would have liked to blame it on the way the Dark side had twisted him, but he couldn’t.

Not when the words had rung with truth through the Force. Not when the echo of Dimitri’s memories - drenched in horror - haunted his meditation. 

Of course, the order had killed Darksiders and Sith before, but primarily their mandate was to contain them and kill them only when their actions could not be stopped. There were people in the Order who believed more radical tenants: That those who touched the dark could never be saved. That they were lost. But the Order did not sanction the killing of those that could no longer do harm. 

If Dimitri returned with him, let himself be contained, why would the Order want him dead?

Felix could not make sense of it, but it was the truth.

It scared Felix, the knowledge that someone in the Jedi Order would see Dimitri dead should he return. That he would lose him even if he saved him.

Felix could not let that happen. Now, more than ever before he needed to know what happened to his former friend. And then, as if to prompt him into action, a flash of pain raced through the force, vibrating along the remains of Felix’s bond to Dimitri. It was noticeable, and if Felix had not been in meditation, he likely would not have noticed it.

But he was. He noticed. How badly was Dimitri hurt for Felix to feel it through the wreckage of their connection?

 _Dimitri_.

Before he could think better of it - he had tried to avoid doing so, in fear of spooking Dimitri after all - Felix reached for him in the Force.

He felt Dimitri startle, draw back, and throw up heavier shielding, but Felix could also feel his attention. The puzzlement that was directed at him, the shock, that Felix would reach for him through the dark. Dimitri was awake, aware, and in pain.

Hesitating for a moment, Felix pushed forward again. He let his presence rest against Dimitri, brush against his foremost shielding, and waited. 

Each moment felt like an eternity, but eventually, Dimitri relaxed and reached back. Felix studied the shape of Dimitri’s presence in the Force. It was dark, twisted, broken, with jagged edges that harmed both him and those that approached. But at its core it was familiar. Dear. Dimitri. Bracing himself for pain, Felix wrapped his force sense around Dimitri like a shield. 

Shock and pain and fear greeted him, but below that was hope. Fragile and almost gone, but there all the same. 

Hesitantly, slowly, with no input of their own, their frayed bond started to weave itself together again. Felix could feel the pain of Dimitri fading slightly. But even after the echo of it was completely gone, they remained like that, entangled in the Force, and to Felix, it felt like healing. 

He fell asleep like that.

\--

The next day Dimitri had disappeared. 

Felix spent the day in anticipation, unsure what to expect after last night. He had hoped that maybe--finally-- Dimitri would talk to him. That there would be no clash of sabers, no fighting, but words instead.

Yet, hours passed, the time on the chrono kept changing, their mission kept progressing, and Dimitri did not turn up.

Felix and his soldiers finally took the fortress they had been struggling with for two days. Without Dimitri’s interference and Felix’s consequent preoccupation, it was laughingly easy to overwhelm the defenders and claim their target.

He hadn’t noticed how much of a hindrance Dimitri had been to his own soldiers, not just his enemies. The knowledge settled sourly in his gut.

“Sir.” 

Felix turned to face the approaching soldier. The woman’s face gave nothing away, but he could feel her hesitation in the force. 

“What?”

She swallowed, eyes flickering around the battlefield, “Is there any sign of the… ” A pause. “Rouge combatant?”

 _Dimitri_.

“No.” Felix struggled to let go of his worry and anxiety, “There is no trace of him in the Force either.”

For one terrible moment, Felix feared that he had lost Dimitri again. That the echo of pain he had felt before was that of a wound that had ended Dimitri’s life, but his rational mind reasserted itself. 

The remnant of their bond was still there. The loose threads that had slowly frayed themselves together hadn’t vanished again. Felix wouldn't be fooled again. He would have _felt_ it if he had died - for Force’s sake! They were on the same planet, the death of a powerful force-sensitive would have been noticed by him, as well as Lysithea and Leonie. 

Dimitri was alive. 

But he was no longer there.

And with him gone, securing the planet, while time-consuming due to the widespread enemy troops, was no longer a challenge. It took them not quite 2 standard weeks after Dimitri had left to finish their work, and release the citizens from the well-defended labor camps. 

It was horrifying what the people had had to suffer through, but Felix’s focus was on the enemies’ command post. A command post that had faced an attack before his and Leonie’s troops had assaulted it. 

Felix found traces of someone else - someone armed with a lightsaber, a saberstaff mostly likely - having made their way through the compound before them. Someone who had gone through their systems looking for something. 

Just like on Garreg Mach, when Dimitri had made off with the processor unit. Dimitri knew someone in the Order would kill him if he returned. Dimitri was searching for something. 

Clenching his fists at his side, Felix resolved to get the answers to his questions. 

\--

Before he could decide on an immediate course of action, however, Felix had to face the Jedi council. Previously enemy interference had made them unable to set up reliable communication and it had prevented them from keeping in contact with the Jedi council, but that was gone now. Felix hadn’t missed it. 

Leonie and Lysithea had been curious about the Darksider Felix kept encountering, the council, however, did not stop their interest at curiosity. 

They demanded answers, and Felix had to give them.

“What can you tell us about the Darksider?”

His name. His age. The color his eyes were supposed to be. His favorite food and drink. How his laughter used to sound. That he did not trust them.

“He is well trained.” 

That got the attention of the council at least. Training implied some level of organization. 

“It’s the same man I met on Garreg Mach.”

No use lying about it.

“Standart human, or close to it.”

All soldiers could tell them that.

“He uses a Saberstaff.”

That as well.

“Do you think he scavaged it?” Master Gustave leaned forward. The man’s face showed clear disapproval at the thought of anyone using a saber they had not built. Gustave hadn’t approved of Felix switching sabers either. 

“No. It was clearly his.”

And it was. Felix had watched him build it. 

Gustave grumbled, but Felix disregarded him with long practice. He let his gaze wander across the other masters present, instead. One of them was his own teacher.

Master Seteth seemed thoughtful; leaning back on his seat with a small frown between his brows, but it was Master Tomas who eventually broke the silence. 

“Do you know what he was searching for? After Garreg Mach you indicated that he made off with a security processor.”

Felix shook his head. “No, but he did seem interested in the control and command post. After interfering with our operations for a while, he infiltrated them. I could not tell you if he took anything this time. When we arrived the soldiers were in the process of destroying data.”

It wasn’t unexpected. Their soldiers would do the same if the tables were turned.

Master Seteth nodded, and then picked up the questioning himself. His inquiries were more specific: About the way the Darksider fought. Which forms he favored. Weaknesses. A more detailed description. If there had been any indication of possible allies or motives. 

Felix could not refuse to answer, but he kept Dimitri’s name to himself. 

Eventually, the questions came to an end. And like so often, the grandmaster brought an end to the exchange with an order.

“If you learn anything more, let us know.” Grandmaster Rhea’s voice allowed no argument. “Another party interfering in this terrible conflict is the last thing we need.”

There was a pause, and the master’s exchanged glances before Rhea nodded and spoke again. “From now on, all Jedi are expected to contain this man. Hopefully, he will be able to answer some of our questions.”

Felix hoped so as well, but he knew that he would not be the one to bring Dimitri in. Not knowing that it would mean his death. 

The question was if keeping Dimitri alive would mean turning his blade against other members of his order. 

It wasn’t a pleasant thought.

\---

A part of Felix had feared that he would not see Dimitri again. That fear only strengthened when reports from other Jedi started turning up. Reports of a tall humanoid with a red saberstaff that interfered with their operations became more and more common. Thankfully, however, the Jedi that encountered Dimitri did not recognize him.

He fought some of them - viciously and with deadly intent. Few walked away without some bruises at least. But none claimed to have harmed Dimitri.

And Edelgard was almost killed.

When Felix heard about it, the Force started buzzing in his head. It was significant. He just had to figure out why. Edelgard should have recognized Dimitri, though some reports had mentioned masks and cloaks, so he might have been disguised, and yet-

It just didn’t sound right.

Felix almost sought Edelgard out himself, but he had not talked to her since she had reported Dimitri’s death, and it would only rouse suspicion. (He feared he would not be able to contain his relief that it was her who had gotten hurt and not Dimitri.)

He relied on the words of others instead, though it did not gain him much. Word in the temple was that Edelgard was angry at having been put into such a position by a Darksider and grateful for Hubert’s interference. And nothing else. Nothing that wasn’t already known.

Eventually, the reports about Dimitri were joined by reports of other Darksiders striking out against Republic Forces. Though they were different in so far that they clearly fought alongside their enemies, unlike Dimitri, who was a rogue agent at best. There were also reports of Dimitri fighting against those other Darksiders, though those were sparser. Neither Felix’s old friend nor their enemies were very interested in being observed by Jedi.

At this point, it seemed like everyone was crossing blades with Dimitri but himself.

It probably wasn’t intentional, but it made Felix feel anxious. Each time he landed on a new planet he spread his senses hoping to feel that tug that had alerted him to Dimitri's presence before.

He didn’t find it, so instead, he chose to take a more proactive approach.

Dimitri wasn’t hiding, and it became easy to track down Dimitri’s general movements at least. Felix followed up on every report he received, followed Dimitri to every battlefield he was reported on. Tracked him through the Force when he was able.

And he found him.

Still, he was never the focus of Dimitri’s attention again the way he had been on Ordelia, at least not when they were face to face. They fought a number of times, because even though this might be Felix’s personal mission, he still had assignments from the Council, and more often than not Dimitri’s actions went against his mission parameters.

At this point Felix was sure that Dimitri was not just searching for something, he was also tracking someone. More than once their battles had been interrupted by Dimitri’s attention suddenly being diverted, and Felix having to pull his blows to avoid hurting him.

It made him feel ridiculous. What sense was there to battling with deadly intent, if he suddenly had to pull his attacks like they were simply sparring?

None. And no other Jedi would have bothered, which probably meant that it was, in a way, a form of special treatment. At least Feli hoped so.

Just like Dimitri’s presence in his meditation was. Just like on Ordelia, they tangled in the force, weaving their bond together (which certainly helped Felix track him too), but there were no true interactions.

It almost felt like Dimitri was simply lingering in the proximity of Felix’s force presence. Almost like a cat basking in the sun, but twice as feral.

His meditations were calming, but their other interactions were not.

Over time, Felix became almost desensitized to the sight of Dimitri slaughtering people left and right, but then, every time their gazes met Felix’s horror returned. The knowledge that he was almost thankful for the reminder was an uncomfortable one.

His fellow Jedi noticed his preoccupation with Dimitri and the reports they sent to the council about him, also ended up in Felix’s own inbox. They knew Felix was hunting him, but they did not know why, and Felix could not bring himself to answer their unasked questions.

When he had tried to broach the subject with Sylvain, his friend had taken it to mean that he was afraid of falling. Ingrid had assured him she would continue to fight in his memory should he die. Ashe asked him to be careful and ask for a break if he felt like it was getting too much. And the others were pretty much the same.

Felix could not find the words to tell them the truth: Dimitri was alive. Dimitri had fallen. They had failed their friend. Not even to Dedue, another survivor of that mission that had supposedly claimed Dimitri’s life, and who had blamed himself for being defeated by the traitor and not even being conscious to help Dimitri.

This was Felix’s mission. And the failure was his as well.

\--

Felix’s efforts to keep on Dimitri’s trail did not go unnoticed, and eventually, the grandmaster took him aside after he had made his report about their most recent clash. 

“Felix.” It was rare for Rhea to address them by their first names. “The council appreciates your dedication to subduing the Darksider, but we worry that it will be too much for you. I know we ordered you to find out as much about him as you can, but this should not come at your own expense.”

She was watching him with calm eyes, but there was the slightest furrow between her brows. 

Felix felt a twinge of guilt at her concern but brushed it aside.

“It is something I must do.”

The Force did not mark his voice a lie. 

Still, the grandmaster’s eyes lingered at him for a long moment, her gaze thoughtful. “I see,” she said eventually, “But please keep your health in mind as well, we cannot afford to lose members of our order in a time like this.”

She turned away from him then, her long robes sweeping around her. 

“The Force shows me only darkness, more so in your future than in others. I see it consume you… and yet, it is not your own. I hope it stays that way.”

Felix bowed his head as she walked away.

Visions of darkness consuming him, huh? That was a thought straight from his nightmares. He could only hope that it was referring to his connection to Dimitri, and not something more insidious. 

The next day he returned to the battlefield. Again, Dimitri found him. And again and again, they clashed and fought, but no one ever won, until one day. Felix did.

\--

It had started like all of their encounters, namely with Felix tracking him down as soon as he landed planetside. 

This time, it was a mining colony on one of the moons of the Lamine system. The moon had been one of the first places that the Sith had taken - likely because of the deep kyber mines the moons housed.

Recently, however, they had lost control. Republic Intelligence had picked up on distress signals from their operations, which included snatches or a rogue force user with a saberstaff.

Felix had known it had to have been Dimitri, and so he had come. No one had argued with his decision. Not only was he the Jedi closest to the mining colony, but they could not pass up on the chance to regain control over the mine. 

He found Dimitri easily.

Unlike during previous encounters, the Darksider had not even tried to conceal his presence. Feeling Dimitri like this - poised for violence, and not calm like he usually was when they tangled in the Force - roused mixed feelings in him. But all the same, the first thing Felix felt when he actually came face to face with Dimitri was relief.

The relief, however, was short-lived.

As soon as Dimitri spotted him, he snarled and lunged - saberstaff at the ready, coming at him with deadly intent. Felix parried, only slightly surprised. Meetings with Dimitri always went one of two ways: attacks, or dismissive comments that eventually led to attacks.

Something was different today, though. 

Dimitri’s attacks had lost almost all of the grace they had regained through their previous clashes, making it seem like he had never had any formal training at all. On top of that, they held a lot less force than usual. 

They were still heavy, of course. Dimitri’s type of near-human was always physically strong, and even then, Dimitri had always been above average. 

Today, however, the weight behind the attacks was not something Felix had to struggle with. 

Curious, and worrisome. 

With each exchange of blows, it became more obvious that something was wrong with Dimitri. His eyes were slightly unfocused. He moved stiffly and favored his right hand over the left, making him disregard the lower half of his saberstaff almost completely. 

When they were at their best Felix and Dimitri were evenly matched, but like this Dimitri was no match for him.

Felix was not above taking advantage.

One more exchange of blades, the sharp hissing of lightsabers meeting each other filled the air. Felix’s twisted, stepped into Dimitri’s guard, stretched his leg and--

And just like that, it was over. 

Felix stopped, his lightsaber resting at Dimitri’s throat.

Their harsh breathing and the suddenly menacing hum of his own saber was the only sound.

Although Dimitri was at his mercy, Felix didn’t dare to relax. Instead, he studied his opponent carefully, waiting for a trick or retaliation. But below his saber, Dimitri went lax with a grunt of pain, even letting go of his staff and making it roll out of his hand. 

In the Force, Felix could feel Dimitri’s pain.

“Well.” His voice sounded loud in the sudden quiet after their battle. “That was unexpected.”

Dimitri only grunted, watching him with suspicious eyes, but there was no trace of fight in him.

It was disturbing.

Pausing momentarily to drink in the sight of his former friend - pale and wan, with dark shadows under his eyes, and dirt on his cheeks, and above all in pain - Felix came to a decision.

With a swift movement, he kicked aside Dimitri’s staff making it roll further out of reach. Below him, Dimitri tensed but still made no move to attack him. The small movement alone, however, had revealed all that Felix needed to know.

A wince of pain, and more tellingly, the smear of blood on the ground where Dimitri had shifted. 

Felix took half a step back and switched off his saber. Dimitri shuddered and continued staring at him, unreadable and suspicious. 

Pursing his lips, Felix reached for his utility belt and took out the bacta patches. 

“Let me take care of that.”

For a moment Dimitri’s face stayed blank, then it twisted with emotion. Incredulity. Anger. Disbelief. (And fragile hope. Felix’s heart ached)

“Why?”

There was an ocean of vulnerability packed into Dimitri’s question, and Felix swallowed dryly, his mind scrambling to come up with a satisfactory answer. Dimitri continued talking before he could.

“You were hunting me. You _hate_ me. Aren’t you going to kill me?”

The genuine disbelief in his voice cut deeper than a strike from his saberstaff could have. Felix's hands were shaking, but, by some miracle, his voice was even

“I don’t hate you.”

The words hung in the air between them, poised on the edge like a star about to go supernova. Dimitri stared at him for a long moment, and Felix almost relaxed at the lack of denial. Maybe this was-

And then Dimitri started to laugh.

It wasn’t a laugh full of humor. It was incredulous. Disbelieving. Hysterical.

Felix’s stomach twisted.

“I don’t want you dead,” he insisted, but that only made Dimitri laugh harder.

“Dimitri.” He gripped his shoulder tightly. “Listen to the Force.”

At his words Dimitri looked at him, his face still twisted in a caricature of laughter.

“Dimitri. I don’t hate you. I don’t want you dead. I never did.”

Dimitri stopped laughing, but somehow the expression on his face was even worse now. Evidently, he had felt the truth of Felix’s words in the Force, but he could not trust them.

The thought of being unable to trust the Force--

“I don’t.” his voice came out weaker than he had intended. 

“But you did.” Dimitri’s voice was hesitant. “I know you did. You hated me.”

“Jedi don’t hate.” The answer came faster than he had intended. And it wasn’t the right answer. 

Dimitri scoffed. 

“You made a good show of it,” he answered while shrugging off Felix's hand.

Felix let him. Letting his hand fall to the ground and clenching it in the dirt. Dimitri was turning away from him to get to his feet. He was moving awkwardly. Gingerly. Still injured. Still bleeding.

Felix needed to-

“I was afraid.” The confession got Dimitri’s attention. “Afraid you were falling, and no one noticed. Everyone acted like it was alright. Even you.”

Dimitri huffed a laugh. “Jedi don’t fear.”

The words were mocking, echoing back in the same intonation as Felix’s own answer before. Felix sat back on his haunches and reached for his utility belt again. He forced himself to meet Dimitri’s eyes.

“Let me take care of your wound?”

Dimitri stayed silent for what felt like an eternity, but then, slowly, hesitantly, looking at Felix like a spooked animal, he nodded.

Felix worked in silence, and when he was done, Dimitri put on his armor again, covering the neat bandages and bacta patches as if they had never been there at all.

Only when he turned to leave

“If you thought I was going to kill you, why did you let me track you through the Force? Why did you--” _Make it easier. Reach back. Give me clues._

Dimitri’s laugh was mirthless. His yellow eyes gleamed. He did not give an answer, and that was answer enough.

He left. 

Felix let him go.

\--

Everything changed, even this.

They still clashed on the battlefield, lightsabers humming through the air and colliding again and again. It was almost like it had been before when they used to spar together whenever the opportunity permitted it, only now, Dimitri’s blade was red.

It felt wrong to face that red blade. Wrong to meet Dimitri’s poisonous yellow eyes, and yet Felix did it again, and again. Dimitri's presence in the Force was no less abrasive, evoking the feeling of rubbing salt into a wound. But Felix did not dare to pull away from it, when it reached for him across battlefields - taunting him, signaling him. Instead, again and again, (like a fool) he reached back.

It was like pressing a finger onto a bruise and relishing in the pain because it meant you were still alive to feel it, only now, it wasn’t his state of living that Felix’s was checking, but Dimitri’s.

But for all their battles - and if anyone would have asked how often they met, Felix’s would have told them he lost count, and no one would doubt him (he hadn’t) - Felix had not yet gotten an answer to the question he had first shouted at Dimitri across the battlefield.

He had never been able to ask again either, until one day, after a particularly gruesome battle.

\--

Whatever it was that the Empire wanted on Tailean, Felix could not imagine. It was a miserable and cold planet, with little vegetation and all but bereft of natural resources. The only thing of note so far was the excessive underground tunnels, now mostly collapsed, but still integrated into various outposts.

By the time Felix arrived on the planet as backup, the Republic Forces had been engaging the Empire for several days, clashing again and again, and pulling back before a true victor could be determined.

Felix knew Dimitri was on the planet from the moment his ship entered the atmosphere - the dark and looming presence, the mental feeling of bared teeth, and bloodlust could not be taken for anyone else. He ached to track him down again, but this time Felix’s orders did not allow him that much freedom.

This time, he had arrived in response to an emergency signal, and for all that Felix did not want to leave Dimitri to his devices, he could not abandon Annette. 

He would not lose another friend.

Annette’s group was pinned against the side of a ravine, but they were still holding strong. Likely, because of the stones that kept hurling themselves at the approaching enemy troops breaking their cover and their formations. Annette’s work. She always had excellent control of telekinesis. 

Felix took a moment to overlook the battlefield to get a better idea of the situation. Their enemies hadn’t noticed them yet, Annette, however, did. For a brief moment, Felix could feel her relief.

Then the pattern of her retaliations changed. If he hadn’t known that she was including them in her planning now, Felix would not have seen the trap. 

Their enemies didn’t, and they swarmed into the presumed safer spots, leaving them ready and open for Felix’s troops to flank them.

As someone who had found himself flanked like that before, Felix sympathized, but that just meant he knew exactly how valuable a move like that could be. It changed the tide of the battle immediately. 

The weather, however, kept changing as well, and by the time he had made it to Annette, it was high past the time they had to retreat back into their shelter to avoid the incoming snowstorm.

Felix had already directed his soldiers into an orderly retreat and was making one last sweep across the battlefield to check for any stragglers when he noticed him. 

Of course, Dimitri had to turn up when the fighting was over.

And of course, the idiot’s dash into the retreating enemy soldiers had to reignite the firefight. 

The snowstorm was still incoming.

Felix hesitated. 

Dimitri’s position shifted, the soldiers’ shots driving him back into the abandoned compound that had been the background of their battlefield. It was bombed out, and long-abandoned, with only the underground parts remaining standing. There wouldn’t be much shelter in there and--

“Felix!” Annette shouted behind him over the roaring of the wind and the blaster fire, “We have to fall back! It’s getting worse.”

She was right. 

Felix _knew_ she was right, but--

He was still there. At the edge of his senses, now inside the abandoned compound. Out of sight, but never, never, out of mind. 

“I’ll catch up!” he shouted back to Annette before sprinting toward the compound.

“Catch- What!? Felix!” Whatever else she might have said was lost to the wind.

Felix knew it was a mistake. It was foolish but had almost become a habit at this point all the same. Dimitri went and Felix followed.

Inside the compound, it wasn’t much warmer than it had been on the outside, and the only difference was the lack of snow falling from the sky. If anything, the wind seemed even fiercer howling through the corridors.

The sound of the wind wasn’t the only sound Felix could hear, however, and it was easy to follow the sounds of blasterfire, screaming, and the hum of a lightsaber cutting through the air to the source. 

By the time Felix arrived at the place of battle, it was already over, and Dimitri no longer in sight. Only the corpses of the soldiers foolish enough to follow Dimitri were strewn across the ground, missing limbs or bearing puncture wounds. Due to the instant cauterization of lightsaberburns, there was no blood.

Felix wrinkled his nose and stepped across the copses gingerly. It was one thing to kill people, but another to slaughter them. Dimitri wasn’t visible, but he was still there. Felix could feel it.

“Dimitri,” He called and turned as soon as he heard the slightest rustle of fabric. His saber - though it was turned off - already in hand, prepared to brace against another of Dimitri’s heavy blows.

But there was no sudden attack. Just Dimitri stepping out from behind a console, his dark cloak falling around him. He was dirty as he often was these days, but this time, he wasn’t injured. 

“Felix.” His voice was grave. “You followed me.”

Quirking a brow without humor Felix simply looked at him. At this point, that really shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Everyone else had noticed that Felix followed Dimitri - or rather the mysterious Darksider - all over the galaxy. 

So instead of answering, Felix simply inclined his head. Attack or not, he did not dare take his eyes off the other.

Dimitri, however, had no such compunctions. With a condescending sigh, he shook his head and turned away from Felix to gaze around the room. Whatever he was looking for, Felix had no idea. They were in the control room, but it had long since been abandoned and the few data storage units Felix could spot were damaged beyond use.

It seemed that Dimitri had expected something else though. Felix watched as he kicked one of the containers in frustration, sending it skittering across the floor. Without paying Felix any mind, Dimitri strode from the room, deeper into the compound.

Unsurprisingly, Felix followed. 

Dimitri banged and crashed his way through several other command outposts, none of them were in better shape than the first. And the few hardcopy files he found didn’t seem to satisfy him either. Felix wasn’t surprised, the flimsy was completely ruined by humidity, and the ink on it was smeared and unreadable. 

There was one word, however, that stuck out to Felix. It was barely legible, and without context, it only gave him more questions than answers. _Project Hegemon._

Whatever it was, merely reading the word made Dimitri roar in fury, picking up the control console and throwing it across the room. 

“She won’t get away with this!” the Darksider snarled, more to himself than to Felix, as he worked himself up even more. 

Wearily, Felix watched as Dimitri ignited his lightsaber to cut through the rest of the files as it would resolve whatever issues he was having. 

“Useless,” Dimitri huffed, before stalking off again. Felix lingered a moment longer in the doorway, his eyes flickering between the now even more ruined papers and Dimitri’s retreating back. One was more likely to give him the answers that he wanted if only Felix could get him to spit them out.

Gritting his teeth, Felix followed. It quickly became evident that Dimitri had no plans to continue through the compound, instead, he made his way back towards the entrance. Either he knew the layout of it and was sure there would be no more control or data storage rooms, or he had simply gotten too frustrated to continue looking.

Given Dimitri’s general erratic behavior, there really was no telling. Felix pursed his lips and let his hand wander to the lightsaber dangling at his belt. He wouldn’t simply let him get away. Whatever it was that Dimitri was afraid of in the order, there were some people Felix knew he could trust. His father above all would allow no physical harm to come to Dimitri. If only he could somehow knock the idiot out and bring him back to Coruscant, Dimitri could get the help he evidently _needed_. 

And Felix could have his answers. (And the knowledge that Dimitri was as safe as he could make him.) The Force was still urging him to be cautious. To wait. To have more patience.

Felix had long since reached the end of his. 

Dimitri turned around the last corner before the exit, and Felix prepared himself. Stepping surer and quicker, he had halfway sunk into the Force, when Dimitri suddenly stopped in front of him.

Felix paused only for a heartbeat, before letting go of his saber and stepping up next to Dimitri. Where the exit should have been, a wall of white greeted him.

The snowstorm had long since caught up with him. Patience, it seemed, would be needed one way or another, and he would not be catching up with Annette for a while. It would be suicide to step into that weather.

The growl of frustration next to him meant Dimitri had realized it as well. There was a loud clang as he rammed his armored gauntlet against the wall. The metal dented, leaving the impact of his fist behind. Then he whirled on his heel, shouldering Felix aside roughly and stomping back into the compound.

Again, the Force urged him to follow, but the notes of discord that rang through it with every step he took made Felix feel ill at ease. Something was building, and Felix would have no choice but to weather this storm at least. 

It was preferable to the snowstorm. 

Probably.

\--

They wandered through the compound for a while before Dimitri eventually decided in which room to settle and wait out the storm. It wasn’t too far from the entrance, but unlike many others, it had a functioning door and was fairly dry. The walls were covered in old and damaged tapestries, but even in their current state, they helped ward off the chill somewhat.

Settling down next to Dimitri was strange. It used to be common back when they were still sent on missions together, but now, with years and a supposed death between them-

Felix didn’t know how to feel. This was by far their most peaceful in-person interaction since Dimitri had returned, as well as the longest. And they hadn’t even truly interacted.

The wall was cold at his back, even though his well-isolated cloak, but to his right, and sitting shoulder to shoulder with him, Dimitri was a furnace. Felix angled his head slightly so he could watch him from the corner of his eye. It was half reassurance, half insurance. Given how unstable Dimitri seemed to be Felix wouldn’t be surprised if he needed that split-second warning.

“What?” Dimitri growled, his shoulder pauldron digging uncomfortably into Felix’s arm, “Don’t just stare. Ask.”

Despite the discomfort, Felix didn’t pull away. Dimitri was warm.

“What are you searching for?” It wasn’t the most pressing question in Felix’s mind, but it was one that had been present for a while, and as much as he hated it, this question would likely be more helpful in the long run.

Dimitri huffed. “Who, not what.”

Who.

Felix craned his head to the side to get a better look at him. Dimitri was staring straight ahead, his mouth twisted unhappily. As a child, Felix had hated that expression, and whenever he had seen it, it had made him try everything in his power to make Dimitri smile. It was an expression that Dimitri had not shown after the mission in the western cluster. Now it was back.

It didn’t feel like an improvement. 

Still, Felix let himself sag slightly against Dimitri.

“Who then?”

The silence stretched on for so long Felix had all but given up on receiving an answer. Through the Force, Felix felt him reach for him. It was a hesitant touch, without any intent, making Felix wonder if Dimitri was even aware of the fact that he was doing it. Felix allowed some of his feelings to escape his shielding. He was genuinely curious. He did want to know.

This wasn’t a trick.

After a moment the mental touch retreated, and Dimitri sagged into himself.

The silence continued, and no answer came. Felix pulled his cloak tighter around himself. Closing his eyes he tried to get a hold of his frustrations. The desire to know what had happened was a gnawing thing that haunted Felix’s waking and sleeping moments, and every time he saw Dimitri it only got worse. He couldn’t really blame Dimitri for not trusting him, but the back and forth, the morsels and little hints, they were tiring. Vexing. Frustrating. Dimitri was like a pendulum without a rhythm, smashing this way and that without rhyme or reason. 

But then, the dark side was never a thing of stability.

Felix sighed. 

And that, somehow, finally got Dimitri’s attention and made him turn his head to face Felix. 

His gaze fell heavily on Felix, and he barely dared to breathe. There was something searching in Dimitri’s gaze. Something that could almost be called vulnerable if not for the color of his eyes. It was as if the moment was balanced on a knife's edge - the answers to Felix’s questions finally within reach - and any wrong movement or word would shatter it. Would leave Felix alone with his questions again. 

Then Dimitri breathed out and looked away.

“Well,” he murmured, “If you really want to know.”

Felix did, oh he did, but the tone of Dimitri’s voice worried him. Though subdued, it was too happy, gleeful maybe, as if he was anticipating Felix’s reaction and already taking satisfaction from it.

Like knowing the answers would hurt Felix, and Dimitri wanted to see him bleed.

“We were betrayed,” Dimitri started, “By Arundel, by the inhabitants,” the glee heightened in the force, “By Edelgard. She tried to convince Master Byleth to join her, ranted about how the Jedi order was wrong, how they were working to create a better world where Force-sensitives could live their lives without the chain of Republic oversight and the tyranny of the Jedi council. Byleth refused and contacted the council for help, but they were prepared for that too.”

Felix swallowed, mind whirling, “They didn’t get through?”

The laughter that followed was dark. “No,“ Dimitri refuted, “They answered, but they have people on the council too.”

And then he started recounting names, and with each name - friends, companions, training partners, people he had known all his life, people Dimitri had known and trusted, too - Felix felt like he was losing something.

Eventually, the last name fell, “And Master Tomas, of course. He was oh so sorry when Byleth died.”

Tomas. 

Felix remembered him. A friend of his father’s. A kind man with a gentle and understanding smile. Always ready to listen to the troubles of younglings. 

A traitor.

Just like Edelgard.

For one moment, all Felix could feel was rage. In his mind’s eye, he could still see Edelgard, standing in the middle of the council chamber, leeching pain and regret and guilt, and seeming _oh so sorry_. And Felix had felt bad for not being able to face her. The force churned with his emotion.

Every part of him screamed at him to sink into it. To let go and use the power it offered to rip the traitor apart until there was nothing left of her but a smear on the ground.

His fingers sparked, urging him to reach for it. To use it. To grasp it. To make it his own. With the power at his fingertips, there was no way Edelgard would not die at his hands.

Felix breathed, shaking with rage, and his gaze caught Dimitri’s own. Caught sight of the yellow eyes staring at him-

 _Use me. Use me. Use me,_ The Force screamed in his ears and Felix-

Would. Not.

He tore his eyes away, pressed them close so tightly spots appeared behind his eyelids. He breathed, felt the rage inside of him and-

And let it go.

Let it seep into the Force and lose its hold on him. It was at once the best and the worst thing he had ever felt.

The aftermath left him drained and shaking for different reasons. 

The rage wasn’t gone, nothing could take the feelings away completely, they were his after all, but he felt more balanced.

Calmer.

Able to think.

A chuckle broke through the numbing quiet that had remained after he had reached for the force.

The sound was dark and mocking.

Felix's eyes snapped open again, and he came face to face with Dimitri.

The fallen Jedi had leaned forward, where he was sitting against the wall, his arms resting on his legs, his yellow eyes fixed on Felix.

There was a curl on his lips that spoke of an emotion Felix could not identify. It was foreign on Dimitri’s face, even after all the years they had known each other.

Dimitri chuckled again when their eyes met, “There is no emotion,” he murmured, the sound mocking, “Only peace.” Then he leaned back again, “Such a good Jedi you are.”

It wasn’t meant as praise, and Felix did not even try to take it as such. 

The words of the code rang in his ears, and he had to fight to urge to laugh hysterically. 

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

Peace was the last thing Felix was feeling.

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._

And it was that knowledge that endangered him. The masters had always said that Felix was too driven by his passion.

_There is no passion, there is serenity._

Serenity without passion had always been impossible to him. He had almost been deemed a lost cause after - after the mess in the Western Cluster, when he had struggled with being so, so angry (and afraid, because no one was listening and Dimitri-), until Master Seteth had taken him aside for long meditation on the code.

If Felix could not follow the Code as it was today, he had to go further back, to the Old Code. The one they had learned in the creche. It had felt like a failure, but Felix had clung to it all the same.

So when he stared at Dimitri across the space between them, hysterical laughter still bubbling at the back of his throat, he thought back to those old days, when they were children long before they even became padawan.

_Emotion, yet peace._

_Ignorance, yet knowledge._

Dimitri raised his brows mockingly. “Truly, Felix. Who knew you had it in you?”

_Passion, yet-_

Felix surged forward, grasping Dimitri by the front of his cloak and jerking them face to face. Dimitri’s eyes went wide in surprise, but that was all he got to do before Felix was on him. 

It was laughingly easy to press Dimitri back against the wall, and the surprised gasp that left his lips made satisfaction well up inside of Felix. Felix clambered into his lap, pressed himself closer. A part of his mind was screaming at him, telling him that he was being foolish, that he was making a mistake, that he should focus on the betrayal, figure out more information, and-

Dimitri’s hands landed on his hips and the voice in his head fell silent. Dimitri was alive. Despite everything, he was still here. Warm and alive, and mad, and unhinged, a loose cannon, and-

Kissing him back, meeting Felix’s fervor with his own. Dimitri’s fingers dug into the flesh of his tights and pulled him closer still. It was as if he was intent on consuming Felix, and Felix wanted to consume him in turn. 

When they broke apart, Felix let his forehead rest against Dimitri’s own. They stared at each other for a long almost-tense moment. Felix could feel Dimitri’s heavy breathing ghost over his lips. 

As Felix watched something in Dimitri’s eyes changed, and for a moment the grip he had on Felix’s hip became bruisingly tight. Felix dug his fingers into Dimitri’s shoulder, but before he could actually say anything, he found himself lifted up and pushed back onto the ground. 

Felix blinked and looked up at Dimitri again from their changed position. With his back on the cold ground and only his cloak to protect him from the cold, it was hardly a comfortable position. 

The discomfort barely registered to Felix, however, his focus was on Dimitri kneeling above him, one hand still at Felix’s hip and the other braced next to his head. His dark cloak fell around them like a shroud and covered them both. 

There was another moment of stillness, with only the sound of their heavy breathing between them. 

Felix swallowed and studied Dimitri’s expression. Despite the decisiveness of Dimitri’s previous actions, there were traces of hesitation on his face now. Almost as if he was considered backing out. That would not do. 

Felix tilted his head to the side, baring his throat, and smirked. It was nothing less than a challenge. “Well?”

And just like that Dimitri’s eyes focused on him with the intent of a predator, all traces of hesitation gone. As Felix watched his lips curled into a cruel smile, not hiding the sudden dark amusement. Still, his hands when they reached for Felix were gentle.

And Felix wasn’t afraid. For once - with Dimitri’s hands on him, and Dimitri so close that he could feel and hear his every heartbeat - everything felt right.

\--

That night, Felix dreamed.

He was standing in the darkness, but he wasn’t afraid. Next to him was Dimitri, close enough to touch if Felix would only reach for him. The darkness gave way to fire, and around them, the world was burning. It was as if they were standing on multiple battlefields at once. The force was ringing with the echoes of terrible losses, but they were alive.

Then Dimitri started walking, and Felix’s feet would not allow him to follow. He reached out for him, intent on holding on, on holding him back, but Dimitri was already too far ahead. Still, somehow, Felix’s fingers grasped the rough material of his cloak.

Dimitri looked back at him, their eyes met, and for one brief and fragile moment, his eyes were blue. Then Dimitri turned away again, and between his fingers, the cloak turned to smoke. Ungraspable. Untouchable. Unreachable. The only thing still connecting them was a fragile thread made of light. Felix reached out to catch it, and-

He woke with a sense of dread settled deep into his bones. The storm was gone, and so was Dimitri. Felix wanted to be angry - part of him was - but there were far more pressing matters to hold his attention.

He needed to warn the Council and to do that he could no longer keep Dimitri a secret.

\--

Felix had to shove several other Jedi out of the way when he rushed to the Jedi council chamber. He brushed off Sylvain, ignored Ingrid, and even snapped at Annette. 

He would have to apologize to her later, but the horror and the urgency he had felt when Dimitri had told him the truth, the rage, and anger he had struggled to let go into the Force-

It had returned as soon as he had exited hyperspace. As soon as he had felt the familiar Force presences of his friends and even his father. Dimitri’s wasn’t among them, and now that Felix knew the whole story-

As it was, rage and anger and horror were his companion as he pushed his way through the hallways of the Jedi Temple. The staccato of his boots on the floor matching the racing of his heartbeat in his chest.

He had not dared to send this information through transmission. 

Felix had never made a secret of the fact that he had seen the Darksider. Edelgard knew it - he still remembered the weight of her gaze on that first day, the dark shadow in her eyes that he had taken for worry, but knowing what he knew now-

Felix ignored the guards in front of the council chamber the same way he had ignored his friends. The saberstaff that was put in front of him to block him was easily pushed aside. He grasped it with the Force yanked just enough to destabilize the guard and then pushed the man aside. 

Instead of moving forward his partner took a step back and raised his own staff in a defensive gesture. Smart.

But Felix had no interest in taking them out, instead, he moved towards the door. Slapped his hand against the wall to open the door panel and then entered the override code that he wasn’t supposed to know.

The door slid open, and Felix took a deep breath, before taking a half step forward.

All the masters' attention was fixed on him. The room was dark to allow for the projects to be easily visible and a holographic map hovered in the middle of the room. The planet it showed was painfully familiar.

Gronder. 

At least they were already on topic.

He stepped fully into the room and the door slid shut, cutting off the guards that had scrambled to follow him.

On Felix’s left, his father pushed himself half out of his seat, as if rising to stand, ready to chide Felix despite being a holographic projection, but a gesture from grandmaster Rhea made him stop. The head of the Jedi Order turned her seat so that it was facing Felix just slightly, but did not speak. Instead, it was her second, and Felix’s master, standing in the middle of the room and having gestured at something on the hologram, who actually addressed his intrusion.

Seteth turned to face him, a furrow between his brows. “Felix, what caused you to burst into the room like this? This is a closed session.”

The disapproval of the other man radiated through the force, and all other master’s turned to him. Felix could make out the frown of the projection of his father, but for once he couldn’t even be bothered to react.

Grandmaster Rhea waited a moment before finally addressing him, “Knight Fraldarius, what-”

“I have an urgent report to make,” He cut her off, and he could feel the shock radiate through the other masters. No one interrupted the Grandmaster, and usually, he would probably receive censure for his actions, but something of his turmoil must have leaked through his shields because the air in the room changed.

In the force, all the masters’ attention turned to him. Felix let his gaze flicker over them and felt a spark of vicious satisfaction in his gut when his gaze wandered over Tomas, present in person and not as a hologram. Maybe he would have his proof right here. It would make things so much easier.

“On my mission, I encountered the Darksider I had previously reported.” 

He had the council attention immediately, 

“During our encounter” and he very carefully did not think about the nature of their encounter, “ he revealed some crucial information to me. According to him, the reason we were unable to turn the tide of battles in our favor was because our enemies have agents on our side.”

Everyone knew that. It was the nature of war, but-

“Agents in positions of power. People we trust.” He swallowed.

“And why would the Darksider give you that information?” The Grandmaster did not seem pleased, “I find it unlikely that they would simply tell you this. So why-”

“It’s Dimitri. He is the Darksider.” It was the first time Felix acknowledged it to another person, and it hurt. “He is alive.”

“Explain.” His father’s voice drew all attention to him. In his holographic chair, Rodrigue was leaning towards him. Due to the blue glow of the projection, Felix could not make out too many colors, but he could only imagine the old man’s white-knuckled grip on his armrests.

“He never died.”

After that, the words flowed like a river from his lips. It was as if the Force itself was pulling them from the depth of Felix’s self, laying them out for the council to see. He wondered as he spoke if the masters already understood what he was building up to. 

Rhea, at least, did.

“So Edelgard is the Sith we are facing.” The grandmaster sounded torn between sadness and anger, and Felix was suddenly reminded that Edelgard was a member of her lineage. However, she was only half right.

“No, according to the information, we are not facing individual Sith.” He swallowed because the knowledge still made nauseous, “They have united under a common leadership.”

The one advantage over the Sith they had always had was that their enemies were individualistic, they did not care to follow the orders of others. If they broke from that, and they had, Felix had no doubt, then--

“This is a long term plan, they have infiltrated powerful institutions they could influence matters in their favor. They are even part of our order.”

Felix had expected denial, not the shocked silence that followed. 

Waiting. Inaction. It would not serve them here.

Thankfully, they did not need another push. Master Hanneman gathered himself first. “A Sith Lord in the order--.”

The horror of the Jedi Council was evident, Felix noticed some of them turn to look at him again. He met Hanneman’s gaze, the shock that looked back at him told him that Hanneman at least had caught the wider implication. He nodded almost unnoticeable. Hanneman swallowed. “You…”

Felix braced himself and pushed his momentary advantage. His hand went to his blade in preparation, “Yes. And one of them is among you.” There was another wave of shock, but Felix did not give them the time to gather themselves. Instead, he lunged.

It hadn’t been part of his plan to attack a master of the council when he had come here. He had thought to point him out, to have him arrested, and for them to make a plan. The announcement, however, changed everything.

Tomas deflected his blow without even rising from his chair, the smile on his face the same pleasant one he had worn through all of Felix's childhood.

“So he has blown my cover. I wonder how he got around the curse, ìt should have killed him by now.” Tomas made a sound of disgust. “He has caused enough trouble, and now this.”

At his admission, the masters reacted immediately. Lightsaber flared to life around the room, but it was evident that they were off-center. Felix felt a mixture of shock and pity rush through him as he took notice of the wavering blades, though it was hardly the time for it. He only knew too well what it felt like to be forced to point his saber as someone he thought should stand beside him. But his mind was stuck on something else. Tomas had said a curse. He remembered the feeling of chains around his limbs, his tongue, his thoughts when Dimitri had shown him his dreams. Was that why Dimitri had not asked for help? Because he couldn’t? 

Where Felix’s attack had not prompted Tomas to rise from his seat, the assembled master’s hostility did. Tomas’ lightsaber had already been activated when he had defended against Felix's attack, but it had still been green then, now as he stood it started bleeding red.

There was something viscerally wrong about the way the kyber crystal wailed in the Force as Tomas made it bleed. 

“Not that it matters now,” Tomas continued almost conversationally as he held his saber in a ready position. There was a casualness to his movements that made Felix wary, “The announcement will start any moment.”

And Tomas smiled.

For a moment, there was a strange stalemate over the people in the council chamber, and Felix was not the only person that flinched when the council door was forced open once more. 

It was Cyril who stumbled through, wild-eyed and leaking his panic into the Force. 

“Grandmaster!” his eyes flickered over the scene he had stumbled into, and his shock was clear. Yet, he rallied admirably, the lack of apology a clear indicator that his purpose was urgent. “You need to check the holonet.”

A moment of stillness, then Seteth switched on the projector in the center of the room. Few of the masters dared to actually look away from the Sith in their midst, Felix could not blame them, but he found his gaze drawn to the projector all the same.

The announcement was worse than he had expected, and unlike the other members of the Order, Felix had had a warning.

In front of the whole galaxy, the architects of the war revealed themselves. There was Thales, the known leader of the most powerful Sith cadre, Jeritza - who was _the Death Knight_ , Cornelia, who should have been sitting in the council chamber, Ladislava, Randolph. So many familiar faces.

And her. 

Edelgard. And Hubert, half a step behind her. 

Her words were a rallying cry, her bearing proud and strong. Everything about her screamed leader. Revolutionary. 

A murderer. A traitor. An enemy.

Seeing her like this made Felix want her dead more than he had ever wanted anyone to die before.

Tomas started laughing, and faster than Felix could see, Rhea lunged. 

But even as her saber struck through Tomas’s chest Felix knew it was too late.

The traitorous master’s glee flooded the Force. His shielding gone, and even his features twisting. The visage of the kindly old man that Felix had grown up with melted away and instead it was a face that fit right in with the recording of Sith back from the Sith wars. 

It was undeniable that the dark side had left traces on him, disfigured him, and claimed him for its own. 

Despite the lightsaber stuck in his chest Tomas - or whatever his true name was - continued laughing.

“Silence!” Rhea hissed, viciously twisting her blade and pinning the Sith into his chair, but the man did not even flinch. Instead, he let his gaze wander around the council chamber. The sentients who were assembled had worked with him for long decades, but there was no trace of sentimentality in his expressions and even his force signature only showed scorn. 

When the Sith gaze came to rest on Felix, he met his gaze evenly. The eyes that had once been brown were a poisonous yellow, viler even then the color he had seen in Dimitri’s eyes. Felix had gotten so resignedly used to the color that he did not even flinch. He just squared his shoulders and stared back.

“That whelp will die soon.” Felix knew exactly who Tomas was talking about, “However you managed to get that beast to give you the information he has acquired by chance. It won’t matter.” Tomas told him and his pleasure flooded the Force when Felix could not hold back his flinch. “The enemy he has set himself against is greater than he could ever hope to be. He is nothing but a fool dabbling in things he does not understand.”

Felix could not say he was wrong, but- “He won’t die.” Felix would not let him. Not again. Never again.

Something of his resolve must have shown because Tomas laughed. 

“Ha! Fools all of you! And here I thought you would have a place among us,” Tomas shook his head mournfully, “How small-minded you turned out to be. The Sith are far greater than you. Our plans have been in the works for decades, and despite your supposed wisdom, you remained blind to them! You won’t be able to tell ally from enemy, and you will die.”

There was so much satisfaction in his force presence that none of the masters said anything. The only sound in the room was the hum of Rhea’s saber, still pinning Tomas to his chair.

“We will stop you.” It was Hanneman who spoke up. At his declaration the other masters straightened, their resolve returning to replace their shock and horror. 

Their enemy was unimpressed, however. If anything he seemed amused. 

“You are too late!” Tomas crowed, “Our plans are almost complete! Foolish Jedi, limiting yourself with foolish platitude! We will lead the Galaxy into the future! The empire of the Sith will rise.”

Rhea snarled, but Felix’s own master stepped in before she could respond.

“You won’t see it, Sith,” Seteth intoned calmly. 

The laughter did not stop, “I am a master of the Dark, you are a fool Jedi if you think-”

He never finished. The hum of a lightsaber cut through the air, and the Sith’s head hit the floor.

Tomas' words proved true, however. They were too late. 

The Republic fell apart. The team sent to contain Edelgard failed- she was not the only traitor. 

Felix found himself once more on the battlefield. 

But there were no victories now. Communication was failing more and more. 

Jedi’s blazing in the force before their lights went out. More and more died. More and more failed. More and more fell.

The galaxy sunk into darkness.

\--

Eventually, Felix met Dimitri again. 

It was different from their previous meetings and not only because of how they had parted the last time. 

The whole galaxy had changed. There were no armies fighting around them, no soldiers for Felix to command. His life had changed from fighting against their enemy towards fighting for survival weeks ago. 

He was tired. 

Felix could feel Dimitri approach through the Force. A dark supernova shrouded in mist. He was fairly certain that no one else could have found him, but Felix felt his very presence like the echo of a siren’s song through the Force. He had felt it since that day their force bond had woven itself together again, if only for a moment.

After what felt like both an eternity and a heartbeat, Felix could see Dimitri too.

As he approached the outcropping where Felix was sitting, Dimitri did not even look at him. Instead, his gaze remained firmly fixed ahead on Edelgard’s fortress. It saberstaff was already in his hand, 

“Dimitri,” Felix greeted as soon as he was within earshot. When he had decided to wait here, he had momentarily entertained many different ways their meeting could go, none of them had included Dimitri ignoring him. Why should it have? Even in the midst of a blasterfight Dimitri had always, always paid attention to him, if only for a moment.

Foolish.

This time, there was no attention, Dimitri continued walking and only stopped when Felix got to his feet.

“I’m not here for you.” 

The dismissal in the tone was clear, but for once, despite his disappointment, Felix was too tired to even bristle. Dimitri had not even turned to look at him.

“I know.” Felix returned all the same. 

And he did know. Dimitri was here for Edelgard. To kill her. To get vengeance for whatever ghosts he claimed were haunting him. For Edelgard, behind the walls of her fortress and her hundreds of soldiers and supporters. (Some of them, Felix had grown up with.)

“You won’t get to her.”

Even to his own ears, he sounded exhausted. Surprisingly, it caught Dimitri’s attention too, and he turned his head half away from the fortress in the valley below, to look at Felix from the corner of his eye. The weight of his stare was heavy. 

“Not past all her guards. It’s a useless endeavor.”

Felix felt the aggression flood the Force before Dimitri even moved, but he had expected Dimitri to lunge for him. It was the force shove that took him by surprise.

He hit the ground hard, and as he did, the force roiled in alarm, and he rolled to the side - not a second too soon because behind him the red saberstaff hissed as it carved through the ground. 

Felix threw himself into the movement, ignored the rocks pressing into him to put more distance between them, and then used the momentum of his fall to roll back to his feet again.

The moment he was upright, he ignited his lightsaber, the purple blade hummed to life. A barrier between him and Dimitri that was very much needed.

Felix barely had enough to bring it into a guard position before he had to defend against the red saberstaff. 

Again and again, Dimitri struck at him. Their weapon clashing with crackling hums they moved across the ground _away_ from Edelgard’s base. 

“Dimitri! This is useless! You’re just going to get us killed.” Felix twisted aside and rolled out of the way, but Dimitri did not give him a moment of peace. 

“Then go away!” Dimitri snarled in return. “No one asked you to follow me!”

In a way, Felix supposed that was the truth. Dimitri had never so much asked, but the way he kept coming back to Felix, allowed _Felix_ alone to find him rather than anyone else. 

What did he want if not for Felix to be there? Just like he had back when they had been younger before Dimitri’s fall, when Felix had allowed himself to hope, just for a moment, that they could find their way to each other again. 

Felix had lost him once, he could not allow himself to do so again. 

“I won’t leave you.” 

For a moment Dimitri simply looked at him, then he threw back his head and laughed. It was a nasty sound. “Why not? It’s not like you have never done so before!”

Felix flinched and sensing his weakness - and distraction - Dimitri pounced. 

Usually, they were evenly matched, for all that Dimitri surpassed him in raw power, Felix was always quicker, able to take advantage of the slightest mistakes and turn things in his favor. Today, however, the tiredness was weighing him down. The endless battles had caught up with him, and he was exhausted. It was only the comforting and invigorating support of the Force that allowed Felix to keep up with Dimitri’s attacks, and judging by the growing sneer on Dimitri’s face, his opponent knew it too 

The small part of Felix’s brain that wasn’t solemnly focused on his survival on Dimitri’s survival bristled at the blow to his pride. Felix let it go. Anger wouldn’t serve him, giving in to fear wouldn’t serve him - the man in front of him intent on destroying himself to satiate his need for vengeance was walking proof of that.

And even at the very end of his tether, Felix could not allow that to happen. He knew that he could not deal with losing Dimitri completely. He had barely managed it the first time.

Their blades connected again with a sharp hiss. Felix pushed back and shifted his center of balance to better avoid Dimitri’s swings. His arms were already straining from the force of the blows, wearing him down even quicker, he wasn’t at his usual speed.

After their next exchange of blows the backend of Dimitri’s saberstaff nearly took off his head - the smell of burned hair invaded his nose. 

And suddenly, with startling focus, Felix felt his old lightsaber swing at his hips. The feeling of it bumping against him with each twist and turn almost felt like a second heartbeat. Deep in the force as he was, Felix could hear the song of the kyber crystal.

It was calling to him. Stead and sure. No hesitation. No fear. 

Dimitri’s next blow forced him back, the weight of the swing breaking his grip on his saber. To avoid being hit Felix had to twist aside, one hand leaving the hilt of his weapon to ensure a great range of motion. But his opponent had anticipated it. The lower end of Dimitri’s staff came up as Felix was turning, the red blade came closer.

The force sang.

Just like that everything fell into place. Felix leaned backward to buy himself time, then he reached - not with his hand, but with the force while bringing his free hand up, as if to block the saberstaff barehanded.

For the briefest moment Felix saw Dimitri’s eyes widen at his seemingly self-destructive move, but then cold steel was in Felix’s palm, and with the lightest touch the old saber hissed to life.

Red and blue clashed. For a moment time seemed to stand still.

Over their crossed blades their gazes met.

Dimitri’s eyes were wide, and if not for their poisonous yellow color, Felix would have called his expression one of childish fascination. He wished he could have preserved it, but instead he took advantage of Dimitri’s momentary distraction. 

Holding Dimitri in a deadlock with one saber, he used the other to attack. Dual-wielding was a difficult thing to face, and more difficult even to master. For all that the saberstaff had two blades as well, they were connected, given a certain kind of limitation to the kind of attacks they could perform. 

Dual-wielding wasn’t the same, and Dimitri was in no way prepared for it. Felix sunk into the force again and let it guide his strikes.

Everything was connected. Separation was only an illusion. 

Felix did not need his blades to be connected at the hilt to keep track of their patterns.

He had never wanted to use his blue saber against Dimitri, and even now, despite the guidance of the Force, he could not shake the sense of wrongness.

It was the most fast-paced battle Felix had ever fought. Despite Dimitri’s greatest advantage in a fight being strength, he had never been slow, but today, he was forced to move faster than ever to keep up with Felix’s attacks. It was a curious reversion of their earlier clash, and this time it was Dimitri who was reaching his limit.

It was laughable really, Felix had long pushed past his own; nothing was holding him back, in harmony with the force, there was no way he would lose.

Their fight was over quickly, and it filled Felix with a sour kind of satisfaction. Dimitri had managed to block one of Felix’s strikes, but it had sent him off balance long enough for Felix to take advantage. He dropped low and kicked Dimitri’s legs out from under him, making him land heavily on the ground. 

Then, before Dimitri could regain his composure, Felix struck a final time.

Their fight ended, and Dimitri froze in his upwards movement, the blue blade at his throat. 

For a moment both of them didn’t say anything, the only sound the steady hum of the sabers and their heavy breathing.

Then Dimitri let out a long sigh and relaxed. “Jar’kai.” The growl was gone from Dimitri’s voice, if anything he sounded numb, “You hate Jar’kai.”

But Dimitri didn’t- hadn’t. And in the aftermath of his death that had been enough to make Felix learn. 

The first time he had returned to the training ground after the announcement, Felix had been intent on training. Drilling katas was an excellent form of moving meditation. The first one Felix had ever mastered. It allowed him to clear his mind, focus on the motions and the rhythm - no deeper thinking required. And Felix had been in desperate need of not needing to think.

And yet, standing on the mats, standing before the row of provided practice sabers, his mind was strangely empty already, but not in a good way. The only thought in his mind was the faraway echo of eleven-year-old Dimitri’s voice as he enthused about dual wielding. Dimitri had loved the idea of it, and after he had shown that he lacked aptitude in it, he had tried very hard to make Felix pick it up instead.

 _You’re quick!_ Dimitri had told him. _Imagine having two sabers! You would be unstoppable! It would look amazing._

Yet, it had been one of the things not even Dimitri had been able to convince Felix to try. In his death, however, the words echoed differently.

And-

Jar’kai had come to Felix as easy as breathing. It had been funny really, but the only laughter that had passed Felix’s lips had been hysterical. 

Of all the forms he had ever practiced, Jar’kai had come to him the easiest. 

It was _his_ form, the one that fit him like Makashi had fit his father and brother. 

It was also the form he had always resisted learning. 

It was flashy, showy, seemingly impractical. 

Everything Felix tried not to be.

And yet, in his hands, it was lethal.

He had practiced, and practiced, and practiced until he defeated all of his agemates (but Dimitri) and then-

He had never used it again. 

Of course, it would be Dimitri who made him use Jar’kai. 

“You said you wanted to see it, Dimitri.” 

Despite the way Felix’s heart was racing, and the jumble of his emotions that he was sure not even hours of meditation could sort out, Felix's voice was steady.

So were his hands still holding the blade at Dimitri’s throat. 

Dimitri watched him for a moment, then he huffed out half a laugh. “... You’re quick.”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to kill me, Felix?” He sounded almost curious.

Now it was Felix’s turn to laugh, “If I wanted you dead, I would just let you go.”

The exhaustion that had been pushed away by adrenaline and the force returned, heavier than before. 

Dimitri was still looking up at him from the floor, his eyes yellow and held captive by Felix’s saber. With a sigh, Felix relaxed his stance and removed the blade from Dimitri’s throat.

“You’re not going to be able to kill her.”

Tension returned to Dimitri’s form. Felix had not even noticed it fade.

“There are too many soldiers around her.” And many of them people Felix had once called friends, “You’ll just be another idiot throwing his life away for a vengeance you don’t need.”

For a moment there was a deadly sort of stillness. Then the rocks around them started to shake. Felix could feel Dimitri spread his influence through the force, the dark side reaching out through the links that connected all the things that were. 

Felix sighed again, resignation welling up in him. After all their encounters the dark was a familiar stranger, but even now he still hated the way it clung to Dimitri. In a way, long before Edelgard’s and the Siths’ schemes, it was what had driven them apart.

“Don’t lose yourself to this. Don’t let it destroy you.” The words were a plea, plain and simple, but Felix did not have enough strength left to try to protect his pride, “Please.”

Dimitri laughed. It was a joyless sound, rough and almost foreign with the raspy cadence of his voice, “Oh, Felix,” he murmured, “I’m already fallen and lost.”

“No!” The insistence of his own words surprised them both, “You are still talking to me. Still here- changed.” Felix acknowledged, “But here in front of me. You’re still Dimitri, you aren’t lost.”

Dimitri’s hands had been gentle, and warm, his lips soft. His touch reverent. He wasn’t evil. He wasn’t lost. (There was still light in him.)

He couldn’t be.

“Dima, please,” and Felix let his shields fall, as he hadn’t since that day in the Western Cluster when he first _felt_ Dimitri touch the dark side of the force. Let them fall he had not been able to even as he entangled himself with Dimitri in all other ways.

He could feel Dimitri’s own shock as he took it in. The fear Felix tried to hide. The anger that lived under his skin. And the fragile, fragile hope that he had not been able to bury.

Felix had always been a being of emotion, far removed from the Jedi ideal.

“Please.” He begged again, “Let me help you. Whatever comes, let’s face it together. Let me pull you up.”

Let me pull you out of the darkness. But he could not say the words, instead, he held out his hand. It hung in the space between them, reaching out despite the darkness that clung to Dimitri, that was part of him. Reaching in the way Felix should have done all those years ago. Maybe if he had not flinched away from Dimitri’s hand that first time he would have been able to save him. To protect him. To spare him this.

Dimitri did not react. He remained where he was, sitting on the ground but his saberstaff still humming with energy, covered in mud and blood. His gaze fixed on Felix’s other hand, the one that still held the blue saber. 

“Dimitri.”

Again, did not answer, instead, Dimitri shifted, changed his grip on the staff into a ready position-

(Something inside Felix's chest started to crack.)

\- and turned it off.

And then, with Felix on the edge of giving up, of surrendering as he had never surrendered before in his life - Dimitri reached for his hand.

Slowly, hesitantly, his eye flickering between Felix’s face and his hands again and again as if he could not believe Felix was there in front of him, Dimitri’s hand reached for his own.

Felix’s breath stuttered out of his chest and he could not tear his gaze away from Dimitri’s own eyes. They were yellow. They were blue. Flickering between the two colors as if it could not quite decide.

Each time Dimitri’s hand stopped, handing in the air between them, the yellow returned.

Felix waited, until, finally, Dimitri’s fingers touched his own.

Skin against skin, but different from their other meetings. The touch wasn’t possessive, it wasn’t bruising, it was feather-soft, almost not there.

No touch had ever meant as much to Felix as this one. 

He felt his eyes burn, and as Dimitri’s fingers tangled with his own, he had to swallow harshly.

Dimitri was shaking, or maybe it was Felix. 

Around them, the galaxy was burning and with every beat of his heart, he felt the small lights of life wink out in the force. 

The war was escalating to a level Felix had not thought possible. The republic that had stood for thousands of years was cracking and breaking apart. The Jedi were torn into fractions, fighting enemies and fighting each other, but standing in the aftermath of a bloodbath, Felix was torn between laughing and weeping though he could not do either. There was reluctant fragile hope still flickering in his chest despite everything.

In the force, Dimitri reached for him. There was darkness and anger and malice, but beyond that, warm and safe and present, there was- 

light, and love, and hope. 

Dimitri.

Felix couldn’t help but smile.

**Author's Note:**

> This was what it was like to be Felix Hugo Fraldarius, there and then: Dimitri’s hand was in your own, his eyes were the color of the summer sky. There was a hesitant smile tugging at the corner of his lips and he was looking back at you in wonder. And you couldn’t help but feel-  
> You couldn’t help but feel like maybe, maybe you were going to be alright.
> 
> \--
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you guys enjoyed the fic!


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